Unscripted Lullaby
by happy29
Summary: Fraser and Ray Kowalski have to come to terms with the most shocking news they've ever heard - Ben is pregnant. This fic follows the pregnancy, showing how it impacts their lives, both as a couple, and in the world outside. There is a case to be cracked, a missing child to be saved and professional decisions to be made. Ray Vecchio is an awesome best friend and Stella gets to shine
1. There must be some mistake

Ray Kowalski tucked the tiny hand under the fold in the pale yellow blanket dotted with baby giraffes and waddling ducklings. The baby opened her mouth in a quiet yawn and Ray brushed a thumb pad tenderly down her small face. He had the most precious thing in the world cuddled securely in a warm embrace. She was so small, having arrived eight weeks early, and came into the world weighing just over four pounds. A miniscule tube ran into the petite infant's nose, providing necessary nutrients enabling her survival. Her small head was covered with a creamy yellow and pastel pink hand-knitted stocking cap, hiding the few wisps of sandy colored hair. Ray's conflicting emotions played on his face as his smile was replaced with a frown only to be tugged into a smile again as the baby yawned and squirmed.

Ray tried not to look at the other occupant of the room. He wanted to, but the terrible stillness, the corpse-like pallor… Ray blinked, and focused on the baby.

"It's okay, sweetheart," he whispered and tucked her hand back under the blanket. A tear slipped down his cheek as the baby wrapped her tiny fingers around his pinky. She held on tight, so tight… God, she was fierce. 'A daughter. _My daughter_. Jesus.' Ray shifted in the wooden rocking chair, careful of the many tubes and monitors connected to the infant he held so carefully in his arms. He settled back in the chair and began rocking back and forth, soothing not only the baby, but trying to settle his own frazzled nerves. A tiny squeak interrupted his thoughts before they could linger too far. He soothed his baby girl, running a fingertip gently over her brow.

There was a soft rap on the hospital door. Ray glared across the room, furious. He had asked the nurses… no,_ pleaded_… for no visitors until he was ready. What were they doing here already? Yeah, he knew it was almost time for the nurses to take his baby back to the NICU but he wasn't ready to let her go, even knowing it's what she needed in order to survive.

When he saw the ghost standing in the doorway, he went cold with fear.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he hissed.

Bob smiled, wanly, and tapped the door with a look of concentration. "Look? I've been practicing."

"Practicing what?" Ray ground out.

"Knocking. I came to see my family."

"You're not getting them." Ray swallowed and pulled his daughter protectively towards his chest. His mouth went dry with fright. He glanced at the occupant of the bed, then back to his daughter. "I know you don't mean any harm," he said, his voice tight, almost pleading, "but go away."

The old man remained in the doorway, fiddling with his Stetson and looking dejected. Ray bit his lower lip. Despite his anger, despite his fear, his heart ached for the man who would never get to hold his granddaughter.

"May I see her?" Bob's request was so quiet that Ray had to strain to make out the words. The ghost edged into the room, as if unsure what to expect from the blond rocking slowly in the chair.

"You can't take her."

"I just want to see her."

Ray shuddered, it's not like he could stop him if he wanted. "Alright." It wasn't Bob's fault he was dead, after all. And it wasn't Bob's fault that Ray was scared of ghosts. _'He's her Grandfather. Of course he can see her.'_ Ray tried to give him a warm smile, but it froze on his face. He peeled back the yellow flannel blanket with the giraffes and ducklings to reveal his daughter's tiny face. Her forehead wrinkled and she closed her eyes closed tightly against the intruding light, letting out a small squeak in protest. Ray couldn't help but smile.

Bob knelt down beside the wooden rocker to get a closer view of the baby in Ray's arms. "She's so small. Is she…" Bob seemed afraid to finish his sentence. He hesitated and continued, "Will she be okay?" His voice was full of emotion as he choked on the escaping words.

Ray tucked the blanket back under his daughter's chin and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "She's perfect. Absolutely perfect. Just needs a little extra help right now because she's so tiny."

Bob nodded wordlessly, relief momentarily washing over his features. He inhaled sharply and glanced at the occupied bed in the room. "And Benton?"

Benton_. _'God. _Ben_.' Ray looked at him, and felt a surge of fear well up in him again. Despite the regularity of the machineries' noises, the hiss and blip and drip, Ben seemed… well…_ dead_. Even deader than the ghost in the room, if he told the truth.

Jesus. If he'd only move, Ray wouldn't feel so sick with fear. He felt like he was sitting in the morgue.

"He's struggling," Ray forced the words past the lump in his throat. "The doctors can't…" He stumbled over his words, and scrubbed a hand down his tired face. His voice cracked as he continued. "They can't get his pain under control." Or his blood pressure. Or his breathing. He glanced at his daughter, cradled securely in his arms. "The uh… the surgery was hard on him. They thought they were going to lose him." He blinked hard and whispered, "they still might." Ray scratched his stubbled jaw and sobbed out a small laugh. "But you know Ben… so stubborn."

"Have faith, Benton's strong. And yes, quite stubborn." Bob ghosted a finger down the baby's tiny cheek. "Has he held her yet?"

Had he held her? God, Ben hadn't even _seen_ her yet. Ray closed his eyes tightly against the memories of the last thirty hours. "He uh…" Ray stopped to compose himself. "No," was his quiet reply. "I know it's really selfish of me, but I don't want anyone else to hold her before Ben can." Ray shrugged and pulled the baby closer to his chest. "Sure the nurses have all held her, but I won't let anyone else. My mom's gonna be flying in from Arizona and she keeps telling me, 'I can't wait to scoop up that bundle of joy' and I know it's going to break her heart but… I." Ray fought back the emotions. "Not until Ben holds her. And I… I don't know when that's going to be."

"She's a mother, she will understand." Bob stood up and gave Ray a warm smile. "I need to go let Caroline know we have a granddaughter. Look after them both for me, won't you? I just needed to make sure they both made it back."

"I'm sorry I… you know… _reacted_ like I did when you got here." He looked down, abashed. "I thought you had come to, you know… _help them_… uh… " Ray didn't want to say it. "Pass on to the other side.

"No, my dear boy. Quite the contrary."

Ray nodded, slightly confused. "You'll be back, right? She's gonna want to get to know her Grandpa."

Bob smiled proudly. "You can count on it."

Ray leaned his head against the cushioned back of the rocking chair and closed his eyes wearily. The baby squirmed in his arms and he pulled her closer to his chest.

"Mister Kowalski," the young night nurse touched his shoulder lightly, so not to startle the new father. "I need take your baby girl back to the NICU nursery for a short time. You are welcome to sit with her if you like."

Ray was torn. He didn't want to leave either Ben or his daughter. "Um, would it okay if I stay here with Ben? I don't want him to wake up and be alone. But, you'll get me right away if she needs me?" Ray asked wearily.

"Absolutely, in a heartbeat," she assured him before she held her hands out for the baby. "Do we have a name yet?"

Ray carefully handed his daughter over to the young nurse and helped arrange the monitors for transporting before answering. "Chloe. Ben wanted to name her Chloe."

"Well, I will bring Miss Chloe back to you in about an hour." She gave Ray's arm a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure it will be no time at all before we can move her in here with the two of you. But until we get Mister Fraser out of the woods and more stable, we need to keep his room open and clear in case of an emergency." Ray nodded in understanding. "Ben's nurse will be stopping by in a few minutes to check him over." She looked Ray over quickly. "Can I get you anything? Some food, coffee?"

"No. I'm okay, but thank you." Ray moved to the side of Ben's bed and turned quickly towards the nurse. "Actually, I would like some coffee. And is there a vending machine where I can get some M&M's?"

"How about I get little Chloe here settled and I will bring you both myself."

Relieved he didn't have to leave Ben, Ray thanked the young nurse.

True to her word, the nurse returned shortly with a large steaming cup of the best coffee Ray had smelled in a long time. He was eternally grateful for her kindness. He pulled the rocking chair close to Ben's bed and sank into its soft cushions. The constant blips on the heart monitor and the drips from the multiple IV bags of antibiotics, pain medications and fluids lulled Ray into a restless sleep. His dreams took him back to that fateful day when Ben broke the news to him and then threatened to kill him with his bare hands.

* * *

><p>Fraser sat on the edge of the exam table feeling exposed in the paper hospital gown. He hid his annoyance when the nurse told him it would be necessary to switch exam rooms after he had already been waiting for twenty minutes in the previous one. This room was larger and held more equipment. He twirled his thumbs together nervously as he waited impatiently for his doctor to arrive. As if recent events hadn't been humiliating enough, Fraser was never sick and yet, he had been feeling run down and under the weather for the better part of three weeks. Uncharacteristically, Fraser had fallen asleep on the couch four nights in a row. On the last occasion, Ray raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "What's going on with you, Ben?" he asked, tucking a blanket from the back of the couch around his shoulders.<p>

"Nothing," Fraser muttered, stifling a yawn, before falling back asleep.

Ray had finally convinced him after he threw up yet another meal that seeing a doctor wasn't such a bad idea. Fraser tried to tell him that it was just a bug, that he would be fine. And then the simple task of brushing his teeth that evening had him bent over the toilet, gripping the seat so tight he thought he might crack his knuckles.

Ray entered the bathroom and leaned against the sink as he handed his partner a washcloth and a cup of water. "I told you that sushi roll was a bad idea," he joked. His tone was light-hearted, but his eyes betrayed his concern. "Look, Ben," Ray rubbed his partner's shoulders and neck. "You never get sick. Go get checked out tomorrow, even if you think it's nothing. Something isn't right."

So here Fraser was, on a Wednesday afternoon, waiting for the doctor to return. He felt like he had been poked and prodded like a voodoo doll. The last time he had this many blood tests was after the whole Victoria debacle. Maybe that was why he was feeling so vulnerable.

He was staring vacantly at a spot on the floor when the door swung open. "Benton," Doctor Logan burst in looking excited, or maybe alarmed. "I'm sorry to keep you waiting so long. Your results have left me… intrigued." Fraser blinked at him, surprised. 'What does _'intrigued' _mean?' he wondered. Logan smiled at him, then coughed and smoothed his beard, pulling Fraser's medical file out from under his arm. He flipped it open, stared, half-smiled, then frowned, then shut it again.

"Is it serious?" Fraser questioned, suddenly concerned.

"Well," Logan paused. "It is quite unique." The doctor opened Fraser's file again and read to himself, as though to reassure himself of the contents, before addressing the nervous man on the exam table. "I believe I will need to call in an expert that specializes in your condition."

"What is it?" Fraser questioned again. "What condition?" Creases appeared on his forehead as he became increasingly alarmed. "Should I call Ray?"

The doctor closed his file and frowned. "Perhaps not yet. We should... well. Wait and see exactly what the long term prognosis is." Fraser stared at the man, completely bewildered.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not being very clear. Of course, you can tell him if you choose to when you get home."

"What?" Fraser felt like shouting. "_What_ can I tell him?"

Logan grimaced, and cleared his throat. "Okay," he started cautiously, "just so you know. I went over your results several times, went down to the lab and ran the tests again myself just to be sure. I've never seen it before, heard about a few cases but have never come across one myself. Truly amazing, really."

"Doctor Logan, if you would please," Fraser bit back the rest of the sentence. If Ray was here he would have shouted at Logan to _'just spit it out already_,' and if the older man didn't hurry up and explain himself, Fraser might say just that. That would never do. 'Breathe,'he told himself. 'Relax.' "Just tell me what we are dealing with here." Despite his best efforts to be calm though, Fraser rubbed his ankles together and fidgeted with his hands while he awaited an answer.

Looking up from his notes, the doctor smiled. "You, my friend, are_ pregnant_."

'_What?'_

For a long moment the whole world went quiet. Then Fraser heard himself laughing. 'Oh dear,' he thought feeling he had gone insane, or Doctor Logan had.

By the time he had stopped laughing, he was feeling sick… again. Doctor Logan had put a reassuring hand on his elbow. Fraser caught his breath, then shook his head. Pregnant? Did the man say 'pregnant'? Before he could break into hysterical laughter again he blurted out, "Excuse me?"

"Pregnant," the doctor repeated, looking at him with some concern.

"No," Fraser declared, bluntly. He didn't care how rude he sounded. "You obviously have my results mixed with those of another patient, a female patient if I might add. I realize, of course, that I don't have the advantage of a medical degree, however," he glared at the doctor witheringly. "As I am sure they will have covered at some point during your studies, men can't get pregnant. It's impossible."

Doctor Logan looked at him sympathetically, despite Fraser's snippy attitude. "I realize this is a shock, Benton. Normally, of course, I would agree with you, but according to my test results," he gestured at the folder, "you are in fact pregnant." Fraser opened his mouth to object, but the doctor affected a brisk and cheerful attitude, interrupting his protests. "So. I would like to do a physical exam and an ultrasound to see exactly what we are dealing with and check how far along you are." The doctor closed his file again and pulled a pair of latex gloves out of a box on the wall, slipping them onto his hands one at a time.

Fraser just stared at him then scanned the room. That's why the nurses switched him to another room, an obstetrics room. Fraser felt sick again. "You're kidding me, right? This is a joke." Fraser let out a shaky breath. "There's no need for a physical exam, I'm not pregnant." He scooted back on the table as the doctor stepped to the end of the exam table, pulling an ultrasound monitor away from the wall and turning it on. "You can't be serious?"

Logan lifted his hands in a non-threatening gesture at Fraser and took two steps back. "I know it is a shock," he reiterated, in gentle tones. "Please, I would like to at least do an ultrasound to see how far along you are. I was an OBGYN for many years before I switched practices. I assure you, you are in very capable hands. But even I have limitations when it comes to male pregnancies. I have an expert in male pregnancies on his way to my office to meet with you. Would you feel more comfortable waiting until he arrives?"

'Expert in male pregnancies? There are _experts?' _Fraser's mouth hung open for a moment while he tried to gather his thoughts.

"Ray put you up to this, didn't he?" The shock hit him again and he giggled breathlessly. "Well, yes, of course he did. Because, it's impossible." He felt ridiculous, sitting here stating the absolute obvious. "I don't have the necessary organs or parts." He glared at the doctor again. Really, the man should be ashamed to be party to such a mean trick. "I'm a man. There's no way I could possibly carry a... a... _it_ to term, let alone deliver it." He swallowed a bubble of nausea and concluded fiercely. "Because in case you haven't noticed... _I am a man_, not a woman."

"Well, in fact, you would be classified biologically as intersex… "

_"What?"_

Logan shook his head, backing off. "Of course you're a_ man_. And there have been cases where men with your… kind of condition, have delivered healthy babies. Not many, it's very rare, but it has happened."

"_Seriously?_" Fraser was alarmed at how his voice squeaked.

"Seriously."

Fraser shook his head, dazed. For a layman he was extremely well educated on medical matters. He would have thought he'd have at least heard rumors if men were walking around pregnant.

Logan was still talking. "You have apparently been blessed… or cursed however you choose to look at the situation… with a female set of internal organs."

"You're saying I could deliver a healthy baby?" Fraser was confused as he looked down at his body. Everything looked the same. "I don't have an... well there's no..." Fraser paused. "How the hell could this even happen?"

"How about you lay back and let me do a quick exam and maybe by the time we are done, our expert will be here and he can explain the physics of it." The doctor placed a gentle hand on Fraser's shoulder encouraging him to lie back. "Your symptoms all make sense if you think about it."

"If I think about it, I would like to think you would have told me I have the flu or food poisoning, not that I'm…" Fraser couldn't get the words to come out past his lips. How the hell was the thing going to get _out_ of him? And... he threw an arm over his eyes. "Oh my God, how am I going to tell Ray?"

"Ben," the doctor spoke softly as he readied the machine. "How long have we known each other? You're not in this alone. Ray is a very understanding person and I can guarantee that he and I will be with you through this whole journey." He squeezed Fraser's shoulder again before applying to jelly to his abdomen. Fraser gasped in shock at the intrusive cold. "Sorry, I should have warned you. Next time, I will warm it up."

"Next time?"

"Yes, your next visit." Logan frowned. "Normally, we would do an exam every month, but your case is obviously uniquely challenging, so we will want to keep a closer eye on it. Your blood pressure is a little low, and you are hypoglycemic… not unusual at this stage of a pregnancy. I think I would suggest coming in once a week for at least the next month, just to make sure everything is progressing nicely."

"Every... week? Progressing... what?" Fraser's voice was faint. Logan frowned again.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I've been making assumptions. Haven't you and Ray been talking about adoption for a couple of years? You do want this, right?"

"What I wanted was for you to tell me I had food poisoning." Fraser stared at the poster on the ceiling above the exam table as the doctor rolled the probe across his abdomen.

"Well, if you decide to tell Ray, I think you need to do it soon because according to the measurements here, I'd say you are about ten weeks." The doctor fiddled with a few buttons on the machine and a whooshing noise filled Fraser's ears. "Too early to tell sex yet, but it sure has a strong heartbeat."

Fraser fought hard not to turn his head and look at the screen, but the whooshing noise was constant and so loud it seemed to echo off the walls. There on the black and white screen was a tiny life growing inside of him. He abruptly pushed the doctor's hand off his abdomen and the whooshing subsided as the baby disappeared from the screen. Fraser sat up sharply. His head spun. "I need…" he gasped for air. "I need to talk to Ray, before anything else."

"Very well," the doctor placed a photo in his hand of the life growing inside of him. "Go home, talk this through with your partner and call me as soon as you can."

* * *

><p>Fraser sat on the bed and bounced his feet nervously on the floor. He heard Ray's key in the lock but was glued to his spot. What would Ray think? What would Ray want to do? And how the hell would he even tell him? All these questions and about a thousand more raced through Fraser's head the second he stepped out of the doctor's office and started walking home.<p>

Ray raced into the bedroom and slid to a stop in front of his dresser, opening a drawer and pulling out a fresh pair of jeans and a clean shirt. "I swear I will only be a few minutes," he called over his shoulder as he bolted for the bathroom to brush his teeth, throw some gel in his hair and take a quick piss. "Stupid Duck Boys thought they would be funny and saran wrapped the Goat. I told them we had plans to catch an early movie. Dumb asses." The toilet flushed and then the sink turned on and off. Ray hopped back into the bedroom with one leg in his jeans and the other trying to find the opposite leg hole. He stopped and pulled his t-shirt over his head. "Hey come on, we're going to be late." Ray turned to the dresser and pulled out a pair of socks. "Oh, what did the doctor say? You went to your appointment this afternoon, right?"

Fraser nodded as his feet bounced on the floor. He found himself twiddling his fingers and avoiding eye contact with Ray. The ultrasound photo was burning a hole in his pocket. His face flushed and he felt the nausea rise up his throat.

"So," Ray encouraged as he tried to slip his foot into his sock standing up. "How'd it go? They run any tests or anything?" Ray was met with silence. "Ben? Is everything okay?"

Fraser stood up from the bed, slid past Ray bouncing on one foot, still struggling with his socks and went to the refrigerator and retrieved two beer bottles. He pulled the magnetic bottle opener off the freezer door and popped the two tops. He turned to head back towards the bedroom and almost ran into a perplexed Ray, splashing beer over the rim of one the bottles onto his hand.

"What's going on?" Ray questioned, motioning to the two bottles.

"You might need these," Fraser handed Ray the two bottles and then reached into his flannel shirt pocket, pulling out the ultrasound photo his doctor had taken just a little over two hours ago. He breathed in deeply, brushed his thumb over the photo, exhaled and handed the photo to Ray with nervous fingers.

Ray set the beer bottles on the counter and took the photo. He brought it closer to his face. His head snapped up, eyes dark and angry. "What the fuck? You knocked someone up?"

"What?" Fraser shook his head profusely. "No, Ray… this is…" Fraser shook his head again. "How could you think that?"

"Well… whose ultra-scanny thingy is this then… _huh_?" Ray waved the photo in front of Fraser's face.

Fraser grabbed Ray's hand gently as he took a tentative step forward. "Would you believe… _mine_?"

"No… no, I would not." Ray stepped backward, picking up a beer bottle and bringing it to his lips, tipping it up quickly.

"Ray, I know this makes absolutely no sense and I don't even know how to go about explaining it..." Ben ran a knuckle over his eyebrow and took another step towards his partner. "Actually, we need to make a decision."

"This is all a joke, right? The Duck Boys put the doctor up to it? I told them you were going to see him today." Ray ran his hands down his face thoughtfully. "Yeah, maybe the Duck Boys are pranking you… they've been doing a lot of that lately. Probably a payback for me filling their car with water balloons last week."

"I don't think so. I heard it." Fraser settled his tired body onto a bar stool. "Besides… no doctor would be party to such a prank. It would be contrary to the Hippocratic oath."

Ray shook his head and rolled his eyes. "What do hippos have to do with it? I still don't get it."

Fraser let out a small laugh. "Oh, believe me, that makes two of us." Fraser reached for Ray's hand again, taking the empty beer bottle from him. "But apparently, you had something to do with it."

"You can't be serious. But _how_?" Ray looked Fraser's body up and down. A crooked grin appeared on his face. "I always knew…" Fraser cut him off with a stern look.

"You say the word _freak_ anywhere in that sentence and I promise I will break my oath as a Mountie and kill you with my bare hands," Fraser warned.

* * *

><p>Fraser's words echoed in Ray's ears. His eyes flashed open as his head snapped up. Darkness surrounded him and someone had covered him with a blanket. He glanced around the dim room and realized he was in a hospital room. <em>Ben's room<em>. Apparently, he had fallen asleep in the rocking chair next to Ben's bed. The heart rate monitor and the IV drips all kept time with one another. Ray pushed the blanket down to his waist and sat forward, taking Ben's frail hand into his own. It was chilly. Careful of the IV lines, Ray tried to rub some warmth into it. He glanced at his watch for the time, realizing he had been asleep for a few hours.

Ben moaned softly in his sleep and Ray quietly begged him to wake up. Fraser hadn't moved at all since they brought him back from emergency surgery. Ray wondered how long it would be before he saw the blue eyes that he loved so much. He hung his head and sighed, settling back into his chair. He pulled the blanket up around his neck and breathed deeply, trying to control his emotions. Closing his eyes, he was back in the kitchen with Fraser, two empty beer bottles and an ultrasound photo of… _their baby_.

"Wait a second, what do you mean you _heard it_? Heard what?" he asked Fraser, not sure he wanted or was ready to hear the answer.

"I heard the heartbeat," Ben replied, calmer than he was feeling inside.

"So, this isn't a lame attempt to get out of going to the movies? This is real? You're serious?"

"I would never pull a prank like this on anyone, Ray, especially you. As crazy and irrational as it sounds, I'm pregnant, and we are apparently going to have a baby, if…" Fraser's face went pinched and pale. "_If…_" Fraser almost couldn't verbalize the remainder of his thought. He took a calming breath and continued. "Ifthat's what we want."

"If... _what_?" Ray didn't know if he felt angry or confused. In less than a minute Fraser had sprung a pregnancy on him, and now he was hinting at… _what_? Abortion? He shook his head, unsure how to respond. "You're not yanking my chain or pulling my leg or…? This is real… like hormones and cravings real."

"It would appear so, yes." Fraser confirmed with a nod.

"And you're okay with it? You're not freaked out? Because I gotta be honest, I'm heading in that direction real quick."

"I did my freaking out at the doctor's office and on the way home."

"But how?" Ray asked confused. "We're both _guys_."

"I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I didn't stick around long enough for the expert to arrive and explain it to me." Ben blushed slightly. "I told Doctor Logan I needed to talk with you first and then I'm… _we're_… supposed to call him in a few days and tell him what we have decided."

Ray stared at his partner, still clearly confused by Fraser's condition. "So, he said you could actually have a baby and it would be healthy?"

"Yes." Fraser blew out a deep breath, and nodded, a little too enthusiastically. "I'm sure, just like with women, there are risks involved and I wouldn't be able to deliver it like a regular birth, but he seemed confident that we could have a healthy baby." He coughed and cleared his throat. "We've talked about a child of our own for two years, Ray. Now, we have the most bizarre opportunity of that idea becoming a reality for us."

"How hard is it going to be on you, physically?" Ray fidgeted, peeling the label off his empty beer bottle. "I don't want to risk your life, just so we can have a baby that I'm going to end up raising myself if something happens to you." Ray flinched when Fraser's face pinched tight with tension. "God, I can't believe I just said that. I'm sorry. I mean... how dangerous is this? What kind of symptoms are you going to have?"

"Well, I think we already know about the nausea and being overly tired." Fraser frowned at Ray. "How are we going to tell people?"

Ray held up both hands. "I am _not_ telling Vecchio."

"You tell your people and I'll tell mine." Fraser smiled wide. He sat back against the counter, resting his elbows on the solid surface.

Ray rolled his eyes. "Ben, apart from Vecchio, all your people are dead. Well, except for Maggie, but she doesn't seem too interested in keeping in touch since she found out about us."

"Can't say that I blame her really." Fraser looked suddenly sad. "She really liked you and then well, we know how that turned out. I think she is a little bitter you chose me over her." He sighed. "Maybe I'd have been the same if it had been the other way round."

"I can't imagine it the other way round." Ray's eyes went soft with affection and he gave Ben a shy smile.

"Thank God for that," Fraser replied, and kissed him. "But hey, you know what this means?"

"What?"

"With the exception of Maggie, my job's done," Fraser stated triumphantly. Ray couldn't help it. He cracked up.

"Okay," he managed, when he had stopped choking on his beer. "All joking aside," Ray grew serious as he placed his empty bottle on the counter beside Fraser's elbow. "A baby changes everything, Ben."

"I do, in fact, know that, Ray," Ben snapped. Relenting a little, he took Ray's hand in his own and squeezed it tightly. "With the exception of me actually having the baby, this isn't any different than us wanting to adopt a child of our own. We've talked about that a lot and all the changes that would bring."

"But this is different." Ray sighed, squeezing Fraser's hand in return. "Not everybody's going to be understanding and supportive. What about your job?"

Fraser's brows drew together, confused. "What about my job?"

"Think about it for a minute, would ya? You work with me probably eighty percent of your time."

"Not quite eighty, but a lot, yes." Fraser smiled warmly at his partner.

"So, things are gonna have to change." Ray let go of Ben's hand. He went around the counter and started a pot of coffee. Ben swiveled on the chair, his eyes following him into the kitchen. "I'm serious about this too. You gotta stop taking all these crazy risks of yours."

"Such as?" Fraser raised an eyebrow.

"You're kidding, right? Scaling ladders to roof tops, jumping onto speeding cars, running after a suspect who is _shooting_ at you. Any of that sound the least bit dangerous?" Ray prepped his coffee cup with chocolates as he ran down his list. "It's gotta stop. It's gotta stop regardless of us having a kid or not. God, I worry about you."

"I will make sure I keep my actions in check," Fraser said dryly. Ray tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. He knew that tone of voice... Fraser was pissed.

"What?" he asked, suspiciously.

"What '_what'_?'" Fraser replied, confusingly.

"What do you mean you will 'keep your actions in check'?"

"I mean..." Fraser gave a nervous smile. "I will be more cautious with my actions regarding my personal well-being. I will wait for back-up and follow your lead. So, that means… this is all a go?"

Ray looked up from his coffee cup, returning the smile. "Yeah, it's all a go." He stepped up to the breakfast bar and leaned across. Fraser met him halfway for a kiss. Their lips met and Ray snuck his tongue into Ben's mouth, finding that crooked tooth. He broke the kiss, pulling his head back a few inches. "I'm still not telling Vecchio."

Shaking his head back and forth, Fraser relented. "No, I will tell him. But I want to wait until after we see this other doctor before we tell _anyone_." Fraser settled himself back on the bar stool.

"When is that again?" Ray stirred his coffee with a spoon before taking a long sip. "You want a cup?"

"Yes, that would be nice." Ray filled a mug and slid it across the counter. Fraser took the offered cup. After taking a swallow of his coffee, he rolled his shoulders to loosen the built up tension. "We are supposed to call Doctor Logan and he will set up an appointment."

Ray glanced at his watch and then Fraser. "Looks like we're gonna miss that movie after all."

Fraser suddenly looked stricken.

"Hey," Ray teased. "I don't mind all that much about missing the movie."

"No… it's not that."

"What is it?"

"Caffeine."

Ray looked puzzled for a moment, then smiled. "Hey, don't worry. One cup of coffee ain't gonna hurt anybody."

"Yes, but…"

"I'll make you some of that moose-gut tea you like so much instead."

Fraser's shoulders slumped, and he sighed with relief. "Thank you."

Ray made the tea, then took the opportunity to kiss Ben on his way past the counter. Looked like Fraser needed all the reassurance in the world.

Picking up his cup of tea, Fraser motioned for Ray to follow. "I am sorry about the movie though." He looked embarrassed. "To be honest, I think I would have fallen asleep anyway. I don't seem to have any energy left today. Come sit with me on the couch. I will tell you the rest of what I know."

"Yeah," Ray said gently. "Let's just sit together."

Fraser sank onto the couch. With a weary sigh, he removed his shoes and placed them under the coffee table. Ray sat next to him, propping his sock clad feet up on the end table. Fraser took his hand and laced their fingers together, dropping his head against Ray's shoulder. Ray took one leg and draped it across Fraser's knee. Fraser sighed at the touch.

Ray motioned to Fraser's abdomen. "Can I feel it?"

Ben gave a pinched smile. "There's nothing to feel yet. It's still much too small." He looked down at his stomach. His face was tight and unreadable. "Doctor Logan says I'm about ten weeks along."

"And how many weeks is a normal pregnancy?" Tentatively, Ray settled his hand on Ben's stomach. Ben was right, it felt no different than the last time he had placed his hands on Ben's stomach.

"I believe it is 40 weeks." Fraser rested his hand on top of Ray's. "We have a ways to go yet. He set my due date for right before the new year."

A small huff left Ray's mouth. Fraser lifted his head and stared at his lover. "What's wrong?"

Ray pursed his lips. "I'm no good at waiting… you know that. New year's is a long way away."

"I imagine that with all that we will have to prepare, the weeks will go by rather quickly." 'Too quickly,' Fraser thought, and panic fluttered in his chest. This thing still didn't feel real. Trying to anchor himself to reality, he scanned the small living room of the apartment. "We will have to turn the office into a bedroom." If he could stay practical, perhaps the ever present fear would recede a little…

Ray kissed the top of Fraser's head. "What if…" he hesitated, then smiled shyly. "What if we started to look for a house?" Fraser sat up and looked at his lover. "I mean," Ray continued, "the apartment is fine for now, but it would be nice to be settled into a house of our own before…" he stuttered, "before it gets here. That way…"

Fraser didn't give Ray time to finish his sentence before his lips were planted firmly atop Ray's. He pushed his tongue into Ray's warm mouth; it tasted of chocolates and coffee. Ray laced his hands around the back of Fraser's neck, pulling him closer. He turned on the couch and straddled Fraser's thighs. Fraser blinked, his eyes bright with unshed tears.

"This okay?" Ray asked between kisses.

Fraser closed his eyes, breathing heavily as he pushed his hips into Ray's growing erection. "God, yes…" Words failed him. This was more than okay… this was amazing. Despite his… _condition_… Ray desired him. Ray loved him…

Ray stood abruptly and Fraser read his mind, stretching out down the length of the couch. He parted his legs slightly and Ray settled himself between his partner's legs. Fraser wrapped his feet over the backs of Ray's ankles, as though he could anchor him there forever, while his hands worked the t-shirt up and over Ray's head. Fraser ran his strong hands up and down the length of Ray's back, massaging muscles and occasionally groping his ass. Slender fingers worked their way up Fraser's torso, tweaking hardened nipples and caressing Ben's chest. Ray's eyes were half closed, his lips parted. Ben's heart clenched with longing. 'God, he's beautiful…'

Ray latched onto the side of his neck and began sucking and kissing. Heat, passion. The brief sting of teeth and suction, lapped by a soothing tongue… Ben gasped. "Ray…" Desperately he groped, and found the zipper to Ray's jeans. _Yes!_ He took a steadying breath. 'Don't rush this. Make it good for him.' "Ray," he moaned again. He focused on working the zipper down, teasingly slow. He felt a smile break on his face as Ray's lips assaulted his neck. Within his hand, Ray was hard, and warm, and slick.

"God, Ben…" Ray grunted against Ben's throat, then carried on greedily suckling, moaning hot against Ben's skin. Ben closed his eyes, feeling the sound trembling through his body. He clutched Ray's cock hard… almost too hard, he thought, but couldn't stop himself. Ray's hips were moving urgently, and Ben thrust back against him, his own cock growing more heated with each push. He was dizzy with lust, his fear and confusion forgotten as he ground himself against his lover's body.

"Slow down," Ray gasped, pulling his mouth away from Ben's neck.

"Don't stop," Ben pleaded, his body and soul wanting more of Ray's touch. "Please, don't stop…"

"Not stopping, Benton-Buddy." Ray flashed a wicked smile, then slid down Ben's body. "Want it to last. You're not even out of your pants."

"Oh." Unexpectedly Ben laughed, for the first time in weeks. Ray tugged his jeans, and Ben lifted his hips. Ray's head moved between Ben's legs, then he was mouthing him through the fabric of his boxers. Ben's whole body flinched, jerking out of control. He was helpless against it. "Don't stop, don't stop…" 'Don't ever stop…'He reached out blindly, trying to reach Ray's hard-on, but it was too far away.

"Don't worry, Ben," Ray said, voice muffled. Ben managed to open his eyes… he couldn't remember closing them… and saw Ray working his own cock with one hand, as he pulled down the boxers with the other. Again, Ben's eyes fell shut. His whole body writhed as Ray's mouth descended on him. Ray hummed against his cock-head, then grasped the root. Ben was totally engulfed in a hard hand, a soft pliant mouth… he pushed and moaned, his head tossing from side to side… he wanted to come, but Ray was squeezing hard, low down, just there, at the base of his shaft. Ben heard himself whimpering pitifully, felt his balls harden and rise, his cock engorge, harder and hotter… but he still couldn't come. He was burning. Ray kept control, sweeping his tongue across the slit of Ben's cock, then swooped round and round the head. Ben was so hard he hurt.

"Please, please, please…"

Ray shuddered suddenly… '_coming, Ray's coming, let me come with you'_… and his rhythm stuttered. Ben flung his arm across his face, and bit down hard. Ray started working him again, harder and faster. His hand moved, releasing Ben's cock; he sucked Ben deeper into his mouth.

"Oh god, _godgodgod_…"

On the cusp of orgasm, Ben felt a long finger tracing circles around the sensitive skin of his anus. Wet. A wet fingertip pushed its way inside. Ben grasped Ray's hair, and tugged, forgetting courtesy, and fucked his mouth as hard and fast as he could. Ray's finger moved to the same swift rhythm, then curled, touching his sweet spot.

Ben cried out, and came, and came, and came.

* * *

><p>"Happy?" Ray murmured, as they both came down from it.<p>

"Happy," Ben replied, drifting in Ray's secure embrace.

And for a while, in the warm aftermath of love, he forgot to be afraid.


	2. Reality

Fraser wandered into the kitchen and slipped his arms around Ray's shoulders as he sat on a kitchen barstool eating a bowl of cereal and nursing a cup of coffee. Ray leaned into his embrace and ran a hand behind Fraser's neck pulling him closer for a kiss.

"Morning, Ben." Ray spooned more cereal into his mouth and began talking with his mouth half full. "You sleep well?"

Fraser straightened and walked around the breakfast bar towards the cupboard to retrieve a glass. "I slept quite well, thank you." He made his way to the refrigerator to get some orange juice and stopped, briefly returning his attention to Ray. "I had the strangest dream though."

"Oh yeah?" Ray questioned between bites. "Hey, when should we call the doctor?"

Fraser paused at the door of the fridge, turning quickly to Ray, concern filling his voice. "Are you ill?"

Ray looked up from his bowl of cereal, shaking his head. "No, for you."

"Me?" Fraser turned back towards the fridge to retrieve the orange juice. "I'm fine," he began. "Why would I need to contact a doctor?" Fraser hesitated when he closed the door and his eyes fell on the ultrasound photo of their baby Ray had secured to the freezer with a magnet the night before.

He went white.

"Ray…"

"Sorry, what was your dream about? I'm always cutting you off." Ray scolded himself as he spooned more cereal into his mouth. "Gotta stop doing that."

"Whose photo is this on our freezer?" Deep inside his soul, Fraser knew the answer.

Ray paused, spoon hovering in mid-air between bowl and mouth. "You're kidding right?" Ray asked in disbelief.

"It wasn't a dream… was it? _This_…" Fraser touched the photograph with tentative fingers, "… _is ours?_" Fraser set the orange juice onto the counter and twisted abruptly towards Ray.

Ray's confirming nod started the kitchen spinning. Fraser squeezed his eyes shut and leaned heavily against the counter, holding tightly to the edge. He reached to his left, his fingers searching for the glass he retrieved only moments ago. He was nauseous and parched at the same time. He brought the glass to his lips and his eyes flashed open when Ray cleared his throat.

"Uh, Ben, you never poured any juice. You're drinking an empty glass."

Fraser lowered the empty glass and stared through it. He reached with blind fingers, stopping when Ray's hand settled over his own trembling one as it gripped the handle of the juice container.

"Hey," Ray whispered softly into his ear before planting a reassuring kiss to the back of Fraser's neck. "It's okay."

Fraser stepped away abruptly, putting some distance between himself and his partner. His voice quivered when he spoke. "How do you know? How many _men_ have you known who have had a baby? This…" Fraser motioned towards his abdomen. "This isn't… _normal." _He sucked in a ragged breath_._ "Oh God, I'm a _frea…"_

"Whoa…" Ray took two long strides and was in front of his apprehensive partner, placing a single finger over Fraser's parted lips, silencing the offensive word about to be spoken. He took hold of Fraser's forearms and pulled him close. "Slow down and take a breath already. You're not a freak, Ben."

"Then what the _hell_ would you call it?" Fraser lashed out, trying to step out of Ray's tight embrace.

"I don't know what the doctor mumbo jumbo words are for it, but I think it's freaking _awesome_." Ray pulled his reluctant partner closer and lowered his voice. "You're going to have _our_ baby. How unbelievably freaking cool is that?"

"Could you please refrain from using the word 'freaking'? You're not helping any."

"Ben, you were so calm about all of this yesterday, what's changed today?"

"I don't know." Fraser shook his head, as though to clear it. Ray patted his shoulder, soothingly. "I had this dream..." Fraser swallowed, looking over Ray's shoulder uneasily at the photo on the freezer door. "I mean, I thought this was a dream," he repeated, ghosting his hand over his abdomen, "and it had me out of sorts when I woke up, and then..." he bit his lip, "and then I saw the picture." His voice took on a slightly hysterical tone. "And it hit me. It really hit me that this isn't going away." He let out a bitter laugh. "I suppose after hearing the news and sleeping on it, I'm not as okay with all of this as I initially thought."

"Shh... you are okay," Ray murmured, feeling helpless as he tried to comfort Fraser.

"_Am I? _Are you fucking kidding me?" Ray flinched, shocked by the profanity coming out of Fraser's mouth. Fraser went pale, and covered his mouth, clearly as shocked as Ray. He must be really freaking out about now.

"Ben, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," Fraser whispered. "This is real, Ray. I'm going to be changing and I'm going to be…" Fraser's words fell silent as the reality of his situation settled in around him. "People _aren't_ going to be understanding. Your parents… your father just started to accept me as your partner. I don't want this to ruin my relationship with him. Or, even worse, _your _relationship with him." Fraser took a shaky breath. "And what about you? This changes everything for you as well. What about my job working as a liaison officer? And then there's insurance and maternity, no it would be paternity leave. What do we put on the_ birth certificate_? 'Benton Fraser,_ mother_'?" Fraser's voice was returning to hysterical. "We aren't a normal married couple. And I don't know _anything_ about babies. Ray, I don't think I can handle the changes I'm_… we're_ going to be facing."

"Ben," Ray replied calmly. "You're freaking out. What do you mean you don't know anything about babies? You know everything about everything. And if you don't know it, you have an Inuit story."

"Ray, you don't understand…"

"No. I don't. I'm not the pregnant guy. But, I'll tell you what I do know." Ray fixed all his attention upon Ben. "If anyone can do this, _you_ can do this. You know about babies. Hell, I read the case notes for when Vecchio and you saved that baby. How did you track him? You recognized the curds from goat's milk and baby puke?" Ray shook his head. "You can do _that_, and you think you don't know babies? Seriously?"

"I know_ about_ babies," Ben admitted. "I know how to deliver them, feed them, how to change their diapers and check for bugs…"

"Bugs?" Ray's eyes went wide as saucers.

"That's not important right now," Ben flustered. Of course, they wouldn't be making diapers out of moss. What was he thinking? That simply proved how inept he was. "Just because I have book knowledge, that doesn't mean that I know how to be a..." his voice trailed off. What word could he possibly use? "Parent. I don't know how to be a _parent_. My own father never did."

"You'll be a great father."

"You sure you don't mean '_mother_'?"

Ray stalled for a moment. He couldn't quite wrap his head around that. "Calm down," he said, "You need to stop freaking out or that vein popping out on your forehead is going to burst." Ray had meant it as a gag to try and ease his partner's growing apprehension, but Fraser didn't take it that way.

"Well, I think one of us needs to be _freaking_ _out_. It seems only logical in a situation such as this," Fraser snapped.

"We will take the changes as they come and deal with them one at a time. _I love you_. Nothing about this situation changes that." Ray placed reassuring hands on Fraser's shoulders and squeezed tightly.

Fraser closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, Ray's eyes were locked onto his. "I'm scared, Ray," he admitted. "It's all uncharted territory for us."

"Me too, but you and me… we're a pretty strong duet and we'll face all of these fears and all of the unknowns we'll be experiencing…_ together_."

"Together? _Really_, Ray? I don't see you having morning sickness. You aren't the one going to have a C-section. I rather think you're a supportive spectator than a participant." Fraser grew quiet and blew out a long breath. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "It's not your fault. Well, part of it is." He shrugged his shoulders when Ray grinned. "Well, it is."

Ray squeezed Fraser's shoulders again bringing a small smile to his partner's face. "Look, I was gonna go into work today and catch up on some paperwork, but I can always do that first of the week."

Fraser took another deep breath and exhaled slowly. "No, you go."

Ray looked at him unconvinced. "You sure? Because I can stay here."

"I'm sure. I'll try and call Doctor Logan and set up an appointment for the first part of the week."

"Okay that sounds like a plan. And when I get home, we'll write up a list of questions and any concerns we have about all of this." Ray stepped back and studied his partner's features. "You're looking a little pale, are you feeling okay?"

"Just a little nauseous, not unlike any other day the last few weeks."

"That…" Ray jabbed a finger into Fraser's chest. "Is the first thing on our list. You throwing up every day can't be good. Maybe there's something he can give you to make it stop."

"Let's hope," Fraser released a tension filled sigh. "Vomiting is something I'm not accustomed to and would like very much to put an end to it."

* * *

><p>Ray kissed an almost calm again Fraser goodbye and drove towards the police station. It had been a stressful morning and he really needed a second cup of coffee before tackling his mountain of paperwork. For the past few weeks, Fraser had been busy at the Consulate with the arrival of Inspector Thatcher's replacement and Ray had found himself slacking on his own paperwork duties. His partner was generally willing to fill out the forms, if anything to speed up the process of going home and Ray wasn't going to argue with Fraser's need for efficiency. Everyone knew Fraser's penmanship was much more legible than his own chicken scratch.<p>

He made a turn into the break room and poured himself a steaming cup of coffee. After Fraser's mini meltdown about caffeine earlier, he had felt guilty drinking coffee in front of him. 'Please,' he thought, 'Ben, I love you but don't make me give up my caffeine. You wouldn't like me when I don't get my coffee fix.' His lips turned upwards into a full blown smile. Frannie's newest selection of coffee had hit the spot. He would have to remember to thank her for insisting on ordering a higher quality of coffee for Chicago's finest. Swallowing another mouthful, he sighed with content. He began to feel the caffeine enter his blood stream and rejuvenate his tired body. A mountain of paperwork was no match for a caffeinated Ray Kowalski. Refilling his mug, he dropped in a few M&M's, gave it a quick swirl and headed down the hall and into the bullpen.

Ray hadn't taken more than two steps through the swinging doors when Francesca called from across the room. She had been pacing back and forth in front of his desk, wearing a bigger hole into the already worn linoleum. Ray's desk phone was pressed tightly between her ear and shoulder and she was busy jotting something onto a legal pad tucked into the crook of her arm. When she spotted Ray, she dropped the receiver from her ear and slammed it hard into the handset.

"Where the hell have you been?" she screeched. Only Francesca Vecchio could sound like an owl on the prowl for food with her shrill voice. "My brother is about to blow a gasket."

"What are you talking about? I just came in to finish some paperwork. Just pretend you don't see me and be on your merry way." Ray gestured for Frannie to move aside as he made his way around his desk and the pile of paperwork awaiting him. "Besides, if it was that damn important, why didn't you call me?"

"I've been trying to call you… _all morning_." Frannie hissed impatiently. "Don't you know how to hang up a phone?" She rolled her eyes. "Never mind, I'm talking to a Neanderthal."

"Hey! Who's a Neanderthal?" Ray made a face in retaliation, and Frannie punched Ray in the shoulder. He vaguely remembered knocking the phone off the end table with his foot when he and Fraser were… Frannie's voice cut through his memory like a knife.

"Listen, that drug head you and Fraser busted earlier this week… he wants to cut a deal."

"Yeah?" Ray rubbed his shoulder ruefully. Frannie packed quite a wallop. "What kind of deal? We already got the two dealers we were after."

"It doesn't have anything to do with drugs, at least not directly."

"I'm listening…"

"He says he has information on that little girl that is missing and he's willing to give us details in exchange for a deal with the state."

"_Frannie!_" Ray stared incredulously at her. "Fraser and I have been working that case for a month. Why the hell didn't you call my cell?"

Francesca held up Ray's cell phone between her delicate fingers. "You mean this ol' thing? You left it on your desk, dummy. Listen, I don't know why, but Ray says that this guy will only talk to you and Fraser." Frannie realized for the first time that Ray was alone. "Where _is_ Fraser?"

Ray scrubbed a hand over his stubbled chin. "He's at home. Caught a stomach bug or somethin'."

"He's been looking run down lately." Frannie's hazel eyes clouded with concern. "Has he been to a doctor? Don't tell him I know, but Renfield told me he's heard him throwing up in the mornings."

Ray's heart dropped. He had thought Ben was only throwing up at home in the evenings. "What are you talking about?" he protested weakly. "He's gotten sick a few times at home, that's it." He never said he was throwing up at work. He'd have said something,_ wouldn't he?_

Frannie lowered her voice. "He says he's heard him several times but Fraser always tells him he's fine. If you ask me, I think it looks like he needs to gain a few pounds." Frannie leaned forward across the desk and whispered low. "You think he has some sort of eating disorder? I know someone if he needs… you know… a_ neutral_ person to talk to."

'Oh shit, just what we need,' Ray thought. 'Frannie playing detective.' Great. His ex-sister was too observant. She had just drawn the wrong conclusion. "It's just a stomach bug, Frannie." Francesca didn't appear to be convinced. "I promise. He's just under the weather."

"_Kowalski…" _Ray Vecchio shouted from his office door. _"My office, now!" _

"Good luck," Francesca mouthed silently before walking briskly back to her own desk.

Ray entered Vecchio's office and jumped when Vecchio slammed the door behind him.

"Were you or were you not, issued a cell phone by this department?" Vecchio questioned his detective as he made his way around the back of his desk. He remained standing and Ray took that as a sign that this wasn't going to be the greatest part of his day.

"I was… _yes_. But, I forgot it on my desk last night when I left. You see, I was running late and I was in a hurry to meet Ben at home and the Duck Boys pulled a prank on me…"

"I don't care _what_ they did. We have a prisoner that was willing to cut a deal and because you can't hang a phone up properly or remember to take your issued cell phone home, he may not talk anymore and we may never find that missing girl." Vecchio looked past Kowalski through his office windows into the bullpen and scanned what he could see of the room. "Where's Benny?"

"He's at home." Ray shuffled for a moment, prevaricating. It wasn't his place to tell Vecchio, and besides, he didn't think the man would believe it. He barely believed it himself. "I, uh… I think he picked up a stomach bug. Told him it was that sushi roll he had a few nights ago."

"That's just great. My day just keeps falling apart at the seams." Vecchio ran a hand over his balding head, trying to keep his rising anger in check. "Welsh said there would be days like this," he muttered to himself.

"Look, I can talk to the guy without Fraser. I know how to get people to talk," Ray tried to convince his new Lieutenant.

"Do _not_ screw this up, Kowalski. There is a little girl's life on the line here. If she isn't already dead."

"I won't screw it up. I do know how to do my job without Fraser in my back pocket." Ray replied, annoyed. 'Holy crap, give some guy a promotion, they suddenly think they're God or something.'

Seemed like Vecchio guessed what he was thinking though. He backed down a little.

"Yeah," he rubbed his face, "You're right. Sorry, Kowalski." He grinned, a little reluctantly. "I'm glad Welsh hung onto you. You're one of the best." He grunted, clearly embarrassed, and continued. "Okay, listen. Stella has a file made up of what the state is willing to offer in exchange for his information depending on the results that we get. We'll put him in interrogation three, let him sit and sweat for a few and then you get in there and work your magic."

* * *

><p>Ray pulled the Goat into the parking space at his apartment building and killed the engine. A faint glow illuminated his bedroom window. 'I wonder if Ben's still awake,'he thought. 'God, I hope so.' The day had taken a drastic turn for the worse when he walked into the bullpen earlier that morning. Ray had only meant to spend a few hours finishing paper work. He'd been so looking forward to an early night, spending some time with Ben before the pregnancy hormones caused him to collapse, exhausted yet again. Yeah, he'd been really looking forward to some quality time together, so he and Fraser could finally catch a movie. Sure didn't look like that was on the cards tonight.<p>

Fuck. Ben was gonna be flat out on the couch when he got in. And probably pissed as hell with him, in that snippy 'don't worry, everything's _fine' _way that he had. Ray thought about how physically drained his partner had been over the course of the last three weeks. No wonder the poor guy was pissed. Fraser's symptoms were all starting to make sense to him now. Although there was still the '_what the fuck_?' factor… the _'how the hell could this happen_' which was still freaking him out. God knew what it was doing to Ben.

Ray glanced at his watch and cringed. Crap, it was worse than he thought. It was almost midnight already, and he had been gone all day. Chad DeVault, the drug dealer who supposedly had information on the missing girl, thought he could get a deal by lying to the state. 'Dumbass,' Ray thought wearily to himself. After interrogating the guy by playing both sides of the fence with his '_good cop, bad cop_' solo routine, the detective knew he was lying when the idiot mentioned the young girl's chocolate colored hair. Ray was just about to pull his own hair out and bring Fraser in on the action, when the numbskull told him that the girl with the long brown hair and bouncing curls had the cutest freckled cheeks. In that one sentence, Ray knew Chad DeVault didn't know anything about the missing child and was just buying time out of his cell. They were no closer to finding the little blonde with the shoulder length bob than they were a month ago when she went missing.

Ray leaned his head against the headrest and let his eyelids fall shut. He'd have to get up sooner or later, but he was pretty exhausted himself. His emotions were taking him on a rollercoaster ride today. There was what was going on with Ben at home, and then at work this whole situation with the missing girl. First the hope that he would find her… followed by despair as the lead turned out to be a mirage. His heart had skipped a beat with the thought of finally locating the young girl and hopefully reuniting her with her extended family. There was evidence at the grisly scene that her parents and older brother had been murdered: too much blood had been shed for anyone to have survived. The whole damn place was splattered with red. Wall to wall gore. But strangely, only three DNA types had been found… father, mother, son. None of the blood had been the little girl's, not a drop, leading Fraser to believe she was still alive. _"It's too much of a coincidence, Ray. It's obvious from the scene that the other victims were ... well ... brutally slain. It makes no sense for the killer or killers to develop a different M.O. for the girl. Something else happened here. She's still alive."_

Yeah, well… Ray believed him. Ben was making good sense. But the other detectives were skeptical. Ray didn't know if it was because they didn't trust Ben's gut instinct… some folks had been off with them both since they came out together… but whatever the reason the majority opinion seemed to be that the killer simply ran out of bullets, and killed her later when he disposed of the corpses.

_Corpses. Damn._ Ray shuddered. The bodies had yet to be found. Ray held out hope that Ben was right, and the kid had managed to escape somehow. She was barely past her seventh birthday, small for her age. Ray prayed she was a fighter.

Ah shit. He was falling asleep where he sat. He squinted at his watch in the dark of the car once again and worked up the energy to open the car door and get out. Fraser had managed to get a call into him late in the afternoon, telling Ray he would help him with his paperwork, but Ray had told him he had it under control and to stay home and catch up on some much needed rest. For once, Fraser listened to him. Ray spent the rest of the afternoon filing away his paperwork and rereading the file on the missing girl, hoping he would see something they had missed initially. There had to be a clue they were overlooking, there always was. He had been so engrossed in the files, he had lost track of time.

When he stepped into the apartment, the kitchen light was off and all was silent. It was quiet evenings like this that Ray missed the click of Dief's nails on the hardwood flooring as he trotted across the room to greet him. It had only been four weeks since he had passed on from an injury saving Ray from a malicious thug trying to choke the life out of him. The hurt was still as raw as if it happened yesterday.

A red glow from the chili pepper lights illuminated the top of the breakfast bar and Ray tossed his keys into the maple leaf wooden bowl resting on the corner of the counter. A green bunch of bananas and purple plums filled the matching bowl on the opposite side of the counter. 'Fraser must have been to the store,' Ray thought as he snatched a plum and wiped it clean on his t-shirt. He took a juicy bite, relishing the sweet flavor of the flesh as it took the edge off his hunger pains. It felt like a lifetime ago that Frannie had offered him a chicken salad sandwich and vending size bag of potato chips. He finished off the purple fruit and snagged another, swiveling it around a clean spot on his t-shirt before taking a hungry bite. His ravenous stomach was no longer trying to eat itself.

Scanning the open room, he wasn't surprised to not find Fraser. Taking a quick peek over the back of the couch to make sure he didn't miss him asleep, Ray turned towards their bedroom. It was quiet as well with only a soft hum coming from the overhead fan and a faint glimmer from the lamp on the nightstand casting shadows on the walls. Ray leaned against the door jam, an affectionate smile tugging at his lips. Ben was sound asleep. His charcoal framed reading glasses were resting crooked on his nose and the slate blue fleece blanket and matching sheet pooled loosely around his waist. Ben's right hand was invisible between the pages of his current book. There was a small notepad, tucked just under the corner of Fraser's book with Ben's perfect penmanship covering three quarters of the page. Ray couldn't read it from where he was, let alone upside down. Full of curiosity, he carefully pulled the notebook out from under Ben's book trying not to disturb his sleeping partner. His breath caught as he read the first line. Fraser had started the list of things to ask his doctor and the first thing on that list was '_How to stop the vomiting?'_

With careful fingers, Ray opened the book and pulled it out from under Fraser's limp hand. He marked the page with his index finger and closed the cover to see what his partner had been reading. The very pregnant brunette on the cover of '_Your Pregnancy: Week by Week'_ stared back at him with a wide smile plastered across her pretty face. Ray chuckled thinking it looked like she had a watermelon stuffed under that tight shirt with the spaghetti thin straps. He removed Fraser's reading glasses and clicked off the bedside lamp. Closing the door softly behind him, he made his way down the short hallway to the couch. One thing Ben really needed was a good night's sleep. Even though it was late, Ray was too wound up from the stressful day to sit still. He'd give Ben a bit of space, and do some reading. That usually put him right out. Opening the book as he walked through the entrance into the living room, he realized Ben had fallen asleep around week twelve of a pregnancy.

Even so, sleep was the last thing on Ray's mind as he settled onto the couch with a cup of coffee, Ben's notebook and the pregnancy book. Scanning the list again, he quickly scribbled '_activities to avoid?' _followed immediately by '_effects on Ben's health'._ Ray didn't want to give up having Fraser as a work partner but he didn't want to risk the health of their baby either by Ben taking his usual daily risks. Putting aside all the weirdness and chaos they were going to be facing, Ray was becoming more excited about Ben being pregnant. He had always wanted a child of his own and to be able to share in the creating of a new life with the person you loved most in the world, no feeling could top that. He would be damned if he was going to let other people's misunderstandings ruin this experience for them.

Ray kicked off his shoes and propped his feet up on the coffee table. He opened the book at the beginning and commenced reading. The book was intended for women, but Ray assumed what a woman experienced, men would as well. Why should the person's sex matter? It only made logical sense to him. He was overly anxious to find out how all this could happen in the first place, but he was pretty certain male pregnancies were not covered in this particular book. That discussion would have to wait for the doctor.

* * *

><p>Ray was well into week nine when he heard movement from the doorway of their bedroom. He stole a quick glance at his watch and realized it was past 2 am and he was still engrossed in the book. 'Oh great. First book to hold my attention longer than ten minutes and it turns out to be a pregnancy book. Go figure.' Fraser let out a stifled yawn as he made his way down the hallway and paused before tentatively entering the living room.<p>

"You're home." Weirdly, Ben sounded surprised. To Ray's ears, it sounded more like a question than a simple observation.

"Yeah," Ray said, somewhere between apologetic and exasperated. "'Course I'm home. Where else would I be?"

"I uh… I tried calling the station again when you didn't answer your cell phone and the Desk Sergeant told me you didn't want to be bothered. When you didn't come home…" Fraser's voice trailed off_. 'Shit',_ Ray thought, shocked. 'He thought I was avoiding him.' For a moment Ray thought he caught a glimpse of a fresh tear pooling in the corner of his lover's blue eyes. 'Oh my god, the book's not kidding. His moods are all over the place.' Fraser sniffed and worked up the courage to continue. "I was worried that you had changed your mind. I'm sorry, Ray. I had no idea that I was capable of… we should have been more…"

"Hey," Ray said in a soothing voice as he hopped over the back of the couch and met Ben at the end of the hallway. "I was just finishing up paperwork, that's all. My cell was dead and there's a new guy on the desk job who doesn't know that I always take your calls." Ray placed a reassuring kiss to Fraser's quivering lips in an attempt to calm him. "You and me, we're gonna have a baby." Ray bent down and placed a kiss to Fraser's abdomen through his faded t-shirt. He stood and gave his partner a sheepish smile. "I've been reading your book." He held up the book so Ben could see as he motioned towards the couch. "All of your symptoms make so much sense now. The exhaustion, the morning sickness. See, I didn't know that it doesn't have anything to do with the time of day it strikes."

Fraser sat down wearily on the couch and nestled himself into Ray's side, resting his head on Ray's solid shoulder. "I started a list of questions to ask Doctor Logan."

Ray grinned and retrieved the list from the coffee table. "I've been adding to it. We need to ask about you flying. You've got that conference scheduled in a few months. If you are at ten weeks now, then that would put you at approximately…" Ray did the math on his fingers. "Eighteen weeks."

Fraser had taken Ray's hand and laced their fingers together, placing them over his abdomen. "You think I will look like that lady on the cover of the book?" He gave a shaky smile, but Ray sensed his insecurity.

"No, I think you will look better." Ray placed a quick kiss to Fraser's lips before deciding that quick wasn't going to cut it. He let his lips linger longer on his partner's, twisting a hand into the back of Fraser's hair and pulling him closer.

"It's late Ray, we should go to bed."

"Or you could just lay down with me here." He kissed Fraser deeper, sneaking his tongue inside the inviting mouth. "Hey, you think we should ask them if sex is okay?"

"Ray," Fraser pulled away and slapped Ray on the back of the head. "We can't ask them that."

"Why not? It would be a good idea to know if it's safe later on."

"I don't want them knowing about our sex life."

"Well, it's obvious we have one. Most couples in an established relationship do, it's bound to come up at some point."

"Oh God," Fraser groaned dreading that conversation.

"Just shut up and kiss me." Ray silenced Fraser, covering his mouth with his own and forced his tongue into Fraser's mouth before he could complain anymore.

"Mmm… you taste like plums." Fraser licked his lips and pulled Ray's lips back to his own. "I'm hungry."

"Oh yeah, for what?" Ray asked mischievously. "Oh, before I forget, I gotta warn ya," he grew serious. "Frannie thinks you're some kind of bulimic or something."

"What?" Fraser exclaimed, sitting up quickly, almost knocking Ray off the couch.

Ray shook his head. "She got this crazy idea forming in that little head of hers just because you're throwing up, you have_ weight _issues now."

"Why would you tell her I've been vomiting, Ray? That's a personal matter." Fraser sounded affronted.

"Wasn't me… _Turnbull_."

"Oh Lord." Fraser groaned and rubbed his temples. "I should have known he wouldn't let it go without saying something."

"Why didn't you tell me you've been throwing up at work?"

"I didn't want you to worry. I was sure it was nothing."

"Hmm, that's not buddies, Ben."

"I know. I should have told you."

"Anyway, I just thought you should have a heads up that she thinks you need some kind of help. She's worried about you. And you know Vecchio, he'll not let it rest either. They're quite observant you know." Ray sighed. "You realize, we are going to have to eventually tell her… and everyone else."

"Do we have to?" Fraser looked pitiful. "Couldn't we just pretend we adopted, or hired a surrogate, or we found it on the side of the road?"

"Found it on the side of the road?" Ray asked exasperated. "Fraser, this isn't a stray dog. What, you think_ you _could lie about it?"

"Why not? Women have been forced to lie about pregnancies forever. I know several people who only found out in adulthood that their mother was actually their grandmother, and their big sister was their biological mother."

"What? Seriously? Wow. Ben, that's fucked up."

"Language."

"Well, it is."

Fraser sighed. "You're right. It is. And, I've never been a convincing liar. Besides, I couldn't lie to Ray and the other Vecchios about it." He smiled. "How can I ask him to be the godfather if I don't tell him who the mother is?"

"Ben..." Ray grinned. Despite his reservations, Ben was already imagining celebrating the birth of their baby. That was… well, that was _greatness_. "You know Vecchio will understand. Well, maybe not understand… he'll freak out and threaten to cut my balls off. But once that's out of the way, he'll be great."

"I know… and I will tell him. Just not yet. I need more time for the idea of it all to sink in first. Doctor Logan has me booked in for Monday morning at nine. I've already cleared my schedule at the Consulate for the day." Fraser leaned back against the couch and took Ray's hand again. "Your parents need to know before anyone else."

"When the time is right, we will tell them." Ray stood up and went to the counter retrieving two plums from the maple leaf bowl. He cleaned one and handed it to Ben before reclaiming his seat and draping his legs over the arm of the couch and resting his head in his partner's lap. Ben took the offered fruit and just stared at the purple object in his hand.

"What's the matter? I miss a spot?" Ray asked as he took a bite out of his own plum.

"No," Fraser admitted quietly. "This is how big our baby is right now." He shrugged his shoulders when Ray drew his eyebrows together, confused. "You're a visual person. I thought it would help to give you an idea of the size of the baby rather than telling you it weighs so many ounces. I read it was the size of a plum at ten weeks."

Ray stopped chewing. '_Eww. Gross.' _Ben just had to say that while he was eating. 'I'm never eating plums again.' He examined the remainder of the uneaten fruit dripping between his fingers. "Oh my God, Ben… we're gonna be parents."

Ben ran his fingers through the blond spikes of Ray's hair. "Yeah…"


	3. Life as We know it

Monday morning found Fraser and Ray waiting anxiously in the last examination room of Doctor Logan's office. They had finished the baby book together, then spent the rest of the weekend frantically reading their way through everything that the Chicago public library system had to offer on the subject. Each evening was spent compiling a list of questions and concerns about the journey they had unknowingly set out on over ten weeks ago.

Not surprisingly, given how anxious they were to get this over with, they turned up to the appointment thirty minutes early. Ray was irritated by the wait, tapping his foot and glaring at the clock. Doctor Logan wasn't there, but the nurse was ready for them, taking Fraser's vitals, and making notations on his chart, all the while smiling, and trying to set them both at ease. "Don't worry," she said. "I'll let the doctors know you're here. They shouldn't keep you waiting too long."

"Yeah, right," Ray muttered after an eternity had passed. He flicked at his watch face with an irritated finger. "She said that forty-five minutes ago."

"I'm sure it's not been forty-five minutes," Fraser tried to sound reassuring, even though he personally felt like he would turn to stone at this rate.

"Yeah, well, _I'm_ sure hell just froze over." Ray scowled, clearly getting ready to kick someone in the head. Privately, Fraser sympathized. He put a hand on Ray's, and squeezed.

"This is weird."

'Weird? Oh, well, thank you, Ray. That's just charming.' Fraser removed his hand, and glared. Ray looked stricken, and quickly corrected himself. "No, it's a _good_ weird. I've never been to the doctor when I haven't been sick. So, it's you know… _weird_." The glare didn't leave Fraser's face. "_Different_…"

'Humph. 'Weird. Different.' Ray is really going all out to win 'Mr. Sensitive Father of the Year' here.'

"Don't do that. What are you thinkin'? You got that face on."

"What face?"

"That, 'my feelings have been smashed to dust but I'm not gonna say anything, 'cause I'm so noble and Canadian, so I'm gonna sit and brood till Ray caves in and gives me a blowjob' face."

Despite himself, Fraser chuckled. "An examination room might not be the best place for such an act of reconciliation."

"Act of reccy what?" Ray's puzzled face cleared as he got it. "Oh. Reconciliation." He smirked. "You sure about that?"

Fraser sighed, regretfully. "Sadly, yes."

Ray gave a little grin, then looked down shyly, fidgeting with the utensils on the counter like a small child looking for something to consume their energy.

"Ray," Fraser scolded. "Put that down."

"Sorry." He placed the container of tongue depressors back onto the counter before he resumed pacing in front of the examination table that Fraser was sitting on. "I'm just nervous, you know."

"Would you please just stand still or sit down. You're making me nauseous." Fraser mumbled through clenched teeth.

"You gonna puke?" Ray asked with wide eyes, quickly scanning the room for a trash can in case Ben lost his breakfast.

"No," Fraser grabbed Ray's wrist, stopping his frantic search.

"Sorry, I'm a just a little edgy not knowing anything and I hate waiting."

Very carefully, very precisely, Fraser bit the tip of his tongue. _Ray _was feeling edgy? That was… well… _that was rich_. "Just sit down, please." He struggled to keep his voice calm and polite. "I'm nervous enough for the both of us."

A knock at the door caused both men to jump.

"Hi, Benton? Ray?"

"Doctor Logan," Fraser folded his arms across his lap, and squeezed his fingers tightly into a double fist. He glanced furtively at the other doctor… the 'specialist.' For some reason his mouth went dry. The man was elderly, grey, and decidedly portly. He was also grinning like a cat in a cage full of canaries, and practically rubbing his hands together with glee.

'Oh dear.'

Doctor Logan cast a slightly disapproving look at his colleague. "This is Doctor Allison. He's an expert in the field of… "

"Yeah," interrupted Ray. "In the field of men with a bun in the oven. Nice to meet you, Doc." He shoved a hand out at the new doctor. "So, you gonna help Ben?"

"Oh, certainly," the other man said, enthusiastically shaking Ray's hand. "You must be the father, I assume?"

"Yeah. I must. So. What's going on with Ben? How the hell did I get him up the duff?"

Doctor Allison grinned amiably. "Well, I assume the traditional way. You are in a sexual relationship with Ben, aren't you?"

Ray blushed, and glared at the old man, then looked at Fraser, who was likewise blushing fiercely. He felt exposed and ridiculous in the paper gown. "You know Ben's sitting right there?" Ray objected. "You can include him in this conversation."

Doctor Allison nodded vigorously. "Of course," he said, and turned his attention back to Ben. His grin became even broader, and somewhat proprietorial. "So," he asked. "How are we feeling today?"

Fraser opened his mouth, and completely froze. He had absolutely no idea how he was feeling. And why was the man using the plural, why 'we?' Did he expect Fraser to have some kind of psychic bond with the baby?

Doctor Logan looked at him with some concern. "Benton," he asked. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," Fraser squeaked, and clammed up again. He looked desperately at Ray. 'Please,'he thought, 'I can't do this. You do it for me.'

Ray seemed to catch the desperation in his expression, because he nodded, and moved to his side, dropped his hand on Fraser's shoulder, and squeezed. Doctor Allison opened Fraser's chart, and began swiftly scanning the contents, nodding and humming enthusiastically as he did so.

"Aha, aha, I see..." he mused. "So," he repeated, "how are we feeling?"

"Confused," Ray blurted. Fraser whacked him softly in the arm, feeling a little better to hear his partner's admission. It wasn't just him then. Ray grinned at him, then continued. "Good… we're both doing good."

"I'm sure you're wondering how you could be pregnant, Mr. Fraser."

Fraser had to clear his throat twice before he could speak. "The thought has crossed my mind a few times."

Doctor Allison nodded vigorously. "Well, you have a very unique body. One that is hardly ever seen in any doctor's career, though, you know," he flapped his hand in a self-congratulatory manner. "I've been lucky… I've seen another two of you in my career."

"Two of me?" Fraser blinked, confused. For a moment he imagined a room full of Fraser clones. He felt like the subject of a medical plot anyway... it could be no more nonsensical than the situation he was already in.

"Two people like you, that is." The specialist glanced at Doctor Logan for confirmation. The other man looked less than pleased with the way the conversation was going, but the specialist continued, seemingly oblivious to his colleague's disapproval. "You, Mr. Fraser," he declared happily, "are that rarest of things… what the medical world would call a true hermaphrodite. You have a fully functional set of both male and female organs. Your female organs released an egg that was fertilized by Ray's sperm."

"But…" Ray began but obviously wasn't sure how to continue his thought. The doctor took pity on him and finished it.

"I know what you're thinking, Ray. You and Ben obviously can't have vaginal sex, so how can your sperm make its way to meet up with his eggs?" Ray shook his head, looking as helpless as Fraser felt. Doctor Allison continued, relentlessly cheerful and reassuring. "From what Doctor Logan has told me, Ben has a small opening… tiny really… where a woman would have a normal vaginal opening. It would be practically invisible to the layman, but is just large enough that the smallest amount of semen made its way inside and well, the rest is history."

"You're saying I have an… " Fraser croaked. "An... opening?"

"It's analogous to the much more common micro-penis," Doctor Allison stated with far too much enthusiasm. "In fact, I'm really looking forward to examining it. I haven't seen one since nineteen seventy four… "

"Hey!" Ray's voice cracked in protest. "Stop that. Ben's a person, not part of some experiment."

For the first time the expert looked flustered. "I didn't mean to suggest that he… "

Doctor Logan broke in, raising a conciliatory hand. "Quite right, Ray," he declared. "And I'm sure that my colleague's professional excitement will not impede his treatment of Ben. "Benton," he addressed Fraser carefully. "How are you feeling?"

"A little… overwhelmed." A sudden thought slammed into him.'Oh no, _please _not that… '"So, if I have an... opening. Am I..." he stuttered, "Am I going to… _give birth_?" The thought made him feel sick with fear. He'd delivered babies. The thought of doing it himself was… appalling. "Naturally, I mean?"

Logan shook his head, sympathetically. "There is no way that opening will ever be large enough for you to have a vaginal delivery, Ben. It will have to be a scheduled cesarean."

"Oh, thank God for that." Fraser closed his eyes, in gratitude. Then another thought hit him. "Wait…" he stared at his trusted doctor, and his heart dropped. _"You knew_? Why haven't you ever told me? Did you know I was… that I had…"

Logan scratched his ear and looked guilty. "I discovered your condition when you were shot and had surgery. I told you shortly afterwards." He gave Ben a puzzled look. "We talked about this. I'm surprised you don't remember. I'm sorry, I should have mentioned that at your last appointment. But well, I think I was still as shocked as you that you were in fact pregnant."

"Doctor Logan, I don't remember anything from those first few weeks in the hospital. And yes, it would have been nice to know that you already knew," Fraser explained.

"I apologize," Logan winced and shook his head. "It was poor timing on my part I suppose, mentioning it then. You did seem compos mentis, but I never… well, I should have scheduled some follow up therapy." He coughed. "But nonetheless… here we are."

"Here we are," Fraser repeated dully.

Logan's colleague was suddenly looking concerned. "I'm assuming we are moving forward with the pregnancy?" Doctor Allison interjected.

"Moving forward?" Ray's voice broke in on Fraser's thoughts, high pitched and panicked. Fraser looked at him, then looked away. They had never really talked about termination, after that one hinted suggestion. Obviously Ray opposed the idea... as did Fraser, when his heart wasn't trying to hammer its way out of his chest. "Yes, we're moving forward."

"So," Doctor Allison was grinning again, exhaustingly cheerful. "How about we do a quick exam, let you two listen to your baby's heartbeat, and we will set up a schedule of appointments for check-ups?"

Fraser nodded mutely, and didn't look at anyone. He shut his eyes, lay down, and let the other voices in the room wash over him as the doctors conducted their… 'examination.' Oh Lord. He folded an arm over his face to hide, as the doctors positioned his legs in the stirrups. It was beyond awkward to be poked and prodded in this way… and he knew he shouldn't be embarrassed or… a better word for it… _mortified_, but the feeling overwhelmed him as the doctors gathered between his legs, and Logan pointed out the minute vaginal opening to Ray and the specialist.

'_I think I want to die_,' Fraser thought as he felt the contact of a latex finger to his sensitive skin. 'Please God, let the floor open and swallow me whole.' Somewhere in the distance, Fraser could hear the doctors talking to Ray.

"...see here where..."

"Damn, I never noticed that. I mean, I noticed, but I didn't know what it was. Thought it was a dimple or something. It's tiny. Ben, you okay?"

"Fine," he muttered. A _freak_, but fine.

This time when the jelly went on his abdomen it was warm. Doctor Logan had remembered his promise.

"... ultrasound..." the specialist was saying, over the thrum of the infant's heartbeat.

"God," Ray's voice, excited. "What is that? I can see something… "

"That's the heart, and if you look over here… "

"...uterus on the small side..."

Then a phrase caught Fraser's attention:

"...bullet in the back."

Fraser opened his eyes.

"What?" he interrupted. "What about the bullet in my back?"

Logan put out a hand, and helped him sit up, releasing his ankles from the stirrups. Fraser crossed his legs and tugged the gown down past his knees.

"Yeah," Ray said, in a dangerous tone of voice. "What about that damn bullet?"

Logan scratched his chin, making a scraping noise against his beard.

"To be honest, I do have a major concern about that bullet." He looked Fraser straight in the eyes. "This baby is going to be putting a lot of strain and stress on your back muscles and spine. Backache is nearly universal in pregnancy… it wouldn't surprise me if we run into some complications down the road as the fetus grows and starts to take up some space in there."

"What kind of complications?" Ray asked. His voice was grim.

Logan gave them both a look of sympathy. "Could be as simple as tingling in the extremities, fingers and toes or it could shift the bullet into a nerve and cause paralysis."

Ray's face… changed. One moment, his mouth and eyes were mobile, his face animated... _excited._ The next, everything froze. He looked like Fraser felt… _frightened_.

And Ray didn't even know that Fraser_ had_ been feeling some tingling in his extremities.'I mustn't tell him that. Then he'll really panic.' Fraser reached out to squeeze Ray's hand. 'It's only pins and needles after all.'

The doctor seemed to notice the shift in expressions on the men's faces. "Listen, your baby is roughly the size of a lime right now, so there is no immediate concern. Let's not concentrate on that issue unless it arises and if we have to, we will deal with it then."

Doctor Allison chimed in. "This is a happy moment for the two of you. Ben, how about you lie back down and we will finish off the exam then you two can fire off any questions you have."

'I have to lie back down again?'He sighed, and did so, this time concentrating on the poster plastered to the ceiling above the exam table. The tiger striped cat dangling from a tree limb gazed down at him with apparent sympathy. A caption beside the cat's head read "You think _you're_ having a rough day?" Ben muffled a laugh. 'Yes, I_ certainly_ am.' He fixated on the picture as he heard Ray running through their list of questions. 'Life has definitely taken a sharp turn,' he thought wearily to himself. He couldn't get his mind to focus on anything other than the cat dangling precariously from that limb.

"What do we do about him throwing up every day?" Ray asked the doctor while he took Fraser's blood pressure. "It can't be good for him or the baby, can it?"

"No, it's not good, but it's a very common occurrence in pregnancies." Logan frowned, a crinkle of concern between his bushy eyebrows as he checked the reading. "Your blood pressure is on the low side, even for you, Benton. We'll keep an eye on it."

"Should we worry about it?" Ray was gnawing his thumbnail, flickering anxious glances between Fraser and the doctors.

"No, but Benton might be prone to dizzy spells." Logan clucked his tongue. "I also noticed you have lost three pounds since you were here last Friday. You've been vomiting every day? For how long?"

"At least a couple times a day for the past week. Before that it was about every other day." Ray supplied before Fraser could make a sound.

'Perhaps I should tell them how often I've been sick today,' he thought. Then he counted back in his head. 'Perhaps not.'

"Eat a few saltines before you get out of bed in the morning. Wait about ten minutes, and then sit on the edge of the bed for a few seconds before you stand up. This will help you by putting something mild in your system and helping raise your blood sugar levels. Throughout the day, you can try sucking on a piece of hard candy. If you feel the churning in your stomach beginning, sucking on a piece of hard candy may give you enough of a sweet taste and raise your blood sugar level enough to help alleviate that sick feeling."

"Saltines and candy. Got it." Ray jotted the information onto his notepad.

'_Dammit,' _Fraser thought. 'That won't do.'

"I'm really not convinced that will help," he said aloud. "I have tried numerous alternative remedies for nausea over the last few weeks, and none of them have been successful."

"What have you tried?" Doctor Allison said brightly. Fraser sighed, and started ticking remedies off on his fingers. The specialist looked intrigued, and took notes. "Uh huh? Uh huh... and where did you get the recipe for the bark soup?"

"An Inuit… "

"Look, can we just cut to the chase? Can you stop Fraser from puking all the time or not?"

"We can certainly try," Logan reassured Ray. He turned to Fraser, and continued. "You are at roughly eleven weeks, so the morning sickness should subside shortly. It generally doesn't last too long into the second trimester. Unfortunately, unless it's severe and you are losing substantial amounts of weight or become severely dehydrated, there isn't a whole lot to do but let nature take its course."

"I was sure that I read about anti-emetics that… "

"Yes," Doctor Allison interrupted. "But we wouldn't prescribe anything at this stage. If it persists obviously we'll reassess our options." He turned to Doctor Logan. "If you don't mind," he said, "I'd like to run another ultrasound to check the placement of the placenta."

Resigned, Fraser lay back down. At least this time he didn't have to put his feet in the stirrups.

"You're doing fine, Ben," Ray murmured.

Fraser nodded his head in gratitude and felt a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder. When Ray had moved to the head of the exam table he wasn't sure, but he was thankful now for his partner's support. The sound of their baby's heartbeat filled the exam room as he got lost in a world of unknowns.

* * *

><p>Ray tossed his keys into the bowl on the counter and snapped a banana off the bunch from the fruit bowl. He offered one to Ben who shook his head 'no'. "Ben, you gotta eat something. That piece of toast from this morning can't possibly keep you going."<p>

"I will. I just…" Fraser's words trailed off as he sat on the back of the couch with the stack of pamphlets clutched tightly between his fingers. "There's a lot of stuff that could go horribly wrong for both me and the baby, Ray. Doesn't that concern you?"

Ray stopped peeling his banana and stared at his partner. "Of course it does, but the doctors said those are all unknowns, they could or they couldn't happen." Ray put his banana on the counter and gave his partner his full attention. A feeling of dread was coiling in his stomach. "You aren't considering terminating it… _are you?"_

"Ray," Fraser ran his fingers through his hair, uncharacteristically scruffing it up. Ray itched to smooth it back down, but for once kept his hands to himself. "I don't want to end up with a premature baby that is going to die, or become paralyzed myself and never be able to care for it."

"Ben, that's not going to happen."

"How do you know? How can you possibly know?" Fraser glared at him, and Ray looked away from the ferocity in his eyes. Fraser continued, quiet and implacable. "You saw the doctors. They are more interested in gathering data on my 'uniqueness' and getting their findings published in science journals than in giving me sound medical advice."

"Hey, that's not fair," Ray protested. "The other guy maybe, but Logan's okay."

"Perhaps." Fraser conceded. "But even so, Doctor Logan said that the… _my_ uterus was on the small side which means the baby can't possibly go to term."

"Yeah, and they also said that most premature babies survive these days. You'll be having the baby in a hospital, not an igloo. It's not like they're gonna cut you open with a rusty knife and throw the baby out into the snow." Fraser winced, and Ray felt bad, but dammit, he was getting angry here. He didn't know where he was with Fraser these days. He was all over the place.

Fraser sat heavily on the arm of the couch, and covered his face. His voice was muffled as he spoke through his hands. "And what happens when word gets out to the press that there is a pregnant man living in this building?"

"Why the hell would the press find out? Who's gonna tell them?_ You?_"

"Ray, don't be naive. With the best will in the world, someone could leak this, and then the press will be parked on our doorstep indefinitely. Is that what you want?"

A feeling of pure, blind panic rose in Ray's chest. 'It's happening again,' he thought… and then tried not to think. The pain was over a decade deep, safely buried… and he had never blamed Stella. Not really. He'd just never quite forgiven her. Or himself.

"Sounds like it doesn't matter what I_ want_," he choked out. "You're just looking for problems." Ray snatched his keys out of the maple leaf bowl and picked up his banana. He spun on his heel, and pointed the banana at Ben, jabbing it for emphasis. "I never took you for one to take the easy road, Ben."

"Ray…" Fraser sounded defeated, almost miserable. "I'm sorry. The conversation wasn't meant to go this way." He shook his head, and stared at his feet. "I should have kept my mouth shut," he added bitterly.

"Well, I suppose I should at least be grateful you told me anything." Ray blinked. Dammit, his eyes were stinging. Stella hadn't said anything till it was too late.

He was _not_ thinking about that.

"Looks like you've got a decision to make," he bit out. "I'm going to work." Ray turned on his heels and didn't bother catching the door before it slammed shut behind him.

"He seems quite agitated with you today."

Bob's voice broke into the sudden silence. Numbly, Fraser turned to stare at the ghost of his father. He had never expected to see him again, yet here he was. For a moment, Fraser could barely speak. When he did his voice grated, sounding strange to his ear. "Stating the obvious again, Dad?"

Oblivious to Fraser's tone, Bob continued. "I imagine he's just worried about the two of you… you and my grandbaby, that is."

"Dad," Fraser began but his words drifted off as he dropped his gaze back to the pamphlets still in his hands. When his voice returned, it was barely audible. "What do I do? Ray isn't taking these risks seriously. The baby could die before it even has a chance to live. I could end up permanently disabled."

"Benton, if your doctors believed there was a serious risk to your life, they would have recommended ending this pregnancy with no negotiation on your part. But they are the experts and they believe that you can carry this miracle inside of you for as long as it takes for it to be delivered healthy. You have to trust their judgment."

"Aren't you even shocked about my condition?" Fraser asked.

"Did I never tell you about your uncle Tiberius?" Bob asked unfazed. "On your mother's side."

"You told me he went crazy and was found wrapped in cabbage leaves. What doe_s my _condition have to do with _him_?" Fraser was confused as to why his father was bringing up his crazy uncle who killed himself.

"You are lucky that you have a supportive partner like Ray. Tiberius wasn't so lucky."

Fraser narrowed his lips, bitterly, remembering the 'family secret.' "You never told me he was gay." Of course, he'd_ known_.

"You never asked." Bob ignored the eye roll from his son. "He came to me one day and asked me what he should do. I was confused and didn't understand his questioning. I had known that he was seeing a man from a nearby town but they weren't a good fit for one another. Nothing like you and the Yank."

"Dad…" Fraser warned.

"Sorry, _Ray_… it's so hard to break an old habit." Bob quickly apologized. "Tiberius swore me to secrecy that he believed he was pregnant. He complained about having all the symptoms of a pregnant woman… the vomiting, the exhaustion, the little pouch in the front that resembled too many cans of beer down the throat."

"Dad!" Fraser stared down at his belly defensively, and covered it with a hand.

Bob carried on, oblivious. "Of course I didn't want to believe him. Who would? And besides, even if it was true, what would people think of him? He was too ashamed to go to a doctor, and we thought it was all in his head until... well..." Bob looked away. "It was too late then, of course. I've regretted it ever since. I believe he drove himself crazy with the thought that he could actually be pregnant. When we found him, an autopsy was performed and right as rain, he was with child." Bob sighed. "A little boy. The coroner never reported it, took me to the side and told me it was our secret. It had been months since I had brushed off his concerns. Had I encouraged him to seek medical advice, had he had the support of his partner, the outcome may have been a lot different. His life and that of his child's may have been saved."

"I never knew any of that."

"It wasn't something to talk about. Like you said, people aren't very understanding. But, when have you ever cared what other people thought of you? Ray loves you and unlike Tiberius's partner, has shown no signs of panicking or running away. He is a very supportive partner, Benton. I think you need to put more of your faith in him. He was listening intently to those doctors today, he understands the risks. He is choosing not to dwell on them. Do you think he would want you to sacrifice your life, just to have a baby welcomed into his?"

"But…"

"No, Benton… no 'buts'," Bob spoke firmly. "The people in your life that matter and love you, will not be affected by this new knowledge that you can have a child. And the people who don't matter, don't give them an opportunity to take away your and Ray's happiness."

"He's talking about looking for a house."

"Good. Give my grandbaby lots of room to run around. This apartment is not ideal for raising a child. A child needs open spaces to roam and explore. Does that sound like someone that is running away scared or unconcerned about your health?"

"No, it doesn't."

"Go back to your doctor, Ben. Go over any concerns you have that you feel weren't addressed. You were staring pretty intently at that poster on the ceiling. I'm certain you missed a lot of what was discussed."

"Thank you, Dad." Fraser tugged at his left ear. "You're finally getting the grandchild you've wanted for so long."

"I wish I were able to hug you, son."

"Me too."

"Was I of any help?"

"Yes,"

"May I make a suggestion for a house?" Bob asked with a glint in his eye.

"You're not getting your own room…"

"Look for one with a workshop." Bob winked as he faded into the mid-morning sunshine. "It will make sense when the time is right. Oh and Benton, eat a banana before you leave."

* * *

><p>Ray punched each key with increased anger as he searched his computer for a missing file. Fraser would have found it within a few seconds and maybe if Ray wasn't so pissed off at him, he would be able to find it as well. 'How could he not want our baby?' Ray thought angrily as the computer flashed an error message across the screen in bold green lettering.<p>

"Dammit…" Ray cursed as he punched another key only to receive the same message in bigger print. He shoved his chair back and decided he needed a strong cup of Frannie's coffee. He entered the break room and poured himself a mug and leaned heavily against the counter. He was thinking he really should head home and talk with Ben, but he was still too angry with him. And if there was one thing he'd learned from years of marriage… never talk about the important stuff when you're angry. Because that's when he'd say something really, unforgivably stupid. And right now, he was really, really angry.

_Oh. Great. _Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Fraser pass the break room. 'I'm not done being mad yet.'Ray shrank back against the counter, lifting his coffee up as a was no doubt searching for him. 'Just what I need.' Ray hunched up his shoulders, and decided he wasn't going to make it easy on the Mountie. 'Stay put, Kowalski,' he told himself. 'He'll find me soon enough.'

Fraser entered the bullpen and scanned the room searching for his partner. Ray Vecchio emerged from his office when he spotted Fraser.

"Hey Benny, it's good to see you. How are you feeling? Kowalski said you were under the weather with a stomach bug." Vecchio clapped Fraser on the shoulder and guided him towards his office. "Something about a bad sushi roll."

"I'm fine, or will be. Have you seen Ray?" Fraser questioned his friend as he scanned the bullpen again. "He said he was coming into work and I needed to speak with him."

"I think he got mad at his computer so he took off for the break room. Did you find out what was wrong with you?"

Fraser tugged at his left ear. "It's a bit of a personal matter for the time being, but yes. My doctor assures me in a few months' time, I will be good as new." Fraser let out a small chuckle. "It's really Ray's fault… he's the one who infected me."

"Wow, that long huh?" Vecchio narrowed his eyes, and peered intently at Fraser. "Nothing serious, I hope."

"No, my doctor believes he has everything under control."

"Jeez, Benny." Vecchio gave a sideways smile, trying to make a joke of it. "If_ you've_ seen your doctor you're probably dying."

"No, no. I'm fine. It's just... temporary," Fraser hastened to reassure his friend.

"Huh." Vecchio seemed less than convinced. "Well, if Kowalski infected you, keep him away from me."

Fraser blushed. "I'm sure it's not contagious."

"Good, when you get your appetite back, you need to eat something, Benny. You're about to give Kowalski a run for the 'skinniest ass' award. You should come around for dinner this week. Both of you. Ma will be in heaven."

Fraser's mouth suddenly watered at the thought of Mrs. Vecchio's lasagna.

"I'll see when Ray's available, and let you know."

"Good. Put some meat back on your bones." Vecchio ushered Fraser towards the door and pointed him in the direction of the break room. "I believe he went that way."

Fraser took a deep breath and pushed through the door to the break room. It was empty except for Ray leaning against the counter nursing his cup of coffee. Unsure where to start, he began with a simple apology.

"I'm sorry, Ray. Back at the apartment, I handled all of that wrong. Can we go somewhere a bit more discreet and talk?"

"Get the computer to play nice and print off a file for me and then I'm all yours."

"Fair enough."

Fraser pushed the appropriate keys on the keyboard and the printer faithfully spit out the files Kowalski had been seeking for hours. Ray put the contents into a file folder and motioned towards the door.

"Kowalski…" Vecchio called from his office door. "I have some mail for you to look through for that family that was murdered. Maybe there is a clue in it somewhere as to why somebody decided to off them."

Ray stretched his arms out, allowing Vecchio to drop the stack of mail on top of the file folder. "I'm leaving for the day, Lieu. See you bright and early."

Vecchio tipped his imaginary hat to both his friends before reentering his office. "Have a good night fellas."

* * *

><p>"Can I get you anything to drink?" Ray was expecting to be hit with a 'no' and was surprised when Fraser responded with a request for juice.<p>

"I've been doing a lot of thinking today. Actually, I've been doing a lot of things today." Fraser accepted the glass of juice and took a seat on a bar stool as Ray started a pot of water on the stove for pasta for dinner.

"Pasta going to sit okay?" Ray asked as he dumped the stiff noodles into the boiling pan of water.

"Yes, it should be ok." Fraser ran a thumb pad over his brow nervously. "I went back to see Doctor Logan after you left."

Ray froze with fearful anticipation. He couldn't bring himself to turn around and face his partner. Was this it? Was this where Ben told him he terminated their pregnancy? Ray's fierce grip on the remaining pasta in his hand broke the thin noodles into dozens of bite size pieces scattering them over the countertop.

"I realized that I zoned out while at the appointment this morning and got so caught up in my own fear and anxieties about this pregnancy that I didn't hear anything that Doctor Logan and the specialist discussed with us."

Ray concentrated on brushing the broken noodles into a small pile on the counter and felt the weight of his partner settle in behind him. He wasn't sure he could handle what Ben was about to tell him, but Fraser had him trapped. Ben's hand settled over his and the broken noodles, stopping the nervous cleaning gesture. He felt warm breath against his neck as Fraser placed a gentle kiss behind his right ear.

"We're going to have a baby, Ray Kowalski," Fraser whispered gently. "And I'm scared to death... but I've got the strongest person in the world right by my side."

Ray turned to face his partner, a fresh tear slipping out of the corner of his eye. "You didn't…"

"No…" Ray breathed an outward sigh of relief. "I'm still very much pregnant." Fraser gave up a warm smile. "Doctor Logan assured me that if he felt it was unsafe for either me or the baby, he would have recommended terminating it right away. But he feels, even if it arrives early that it will only be by a few weeks and therefore won't suffer any premature risks." Fraser kissed Ray gently on the lips and wiped away the few tears that trickled down his cheek. "I contacted a realtor today and I did a little shopping."

"You have been busy."

"Yes, I asked the realtor to look for a three bedroom house, with a nice yard. She has already called back and has three for us to look at later in the week. And…" Fraser left the kitchen and retrieved a small bag off the couch. "I bought the baby a gift." Fraser blushed. "I realize it's extremely early to be buying it anything, but I thought if I ground myself in the fact that this is really happening, it will be easier to move forward." Fraser pulled a pale yellow onesie with a baby giraffe and a tiny duckling on the front of it out of a shopping bag. "I found myself lost in the baby aisles of that department store a few blocks from the Consulate." He pulled out a matching flannel blanket.

Ray gave the pasta a quick stir. "It's so tiny… are you sure you got the right size?" Surely newborn babies weren't_ that_ small.

Fraser checked the tag and shrugged. "It says newborn." He folded the blanket and onesie carefully, placing it on the countertop. "I thought yellow would be a good neutral color for a boy or a girl."

Ray opened a jar of pasta sauce and poured it into a pan on the stove next to the boiling noodles. "You realize how much stuff we are going to need?"

"I had no idea until I wandered into the baby aisles," Fraser admitted.

"You think women automatically know what to buy?" Ray asked as he stirred the sauce. "Hey you want some garlic bread? I can throw some in the oven."

"Well," Fraser beamed. "I've gone all day without losing the contents of my stomach, and for the last few hours I've been craving Italian food, so… yes. I would love some garlic bread."

"Really?" Ray grinned. "You're getting your appetite back. Greatness."

"What files did you bring home?" Fraser asked. Ray relaxed, grateful that they had moved away from more dangerous topics of conversation.

Ben's question registered. 'Damn,' Ray thought, that's not an easier subject at all. Reluctantly he answered.

"The one on that murdered family from a month ago."

"Ah." Ben went still, then stepped up behind him, leaning his chin on his shoulder as he gave him a hug. "I see."

Of course he saw. Ben was just as obsessed about this case as he was.

"There has to be something we are overlooking. Vecchio gave me a pile of mail to look through hoping it gives us some sort of lead." Ray twisted out a spaghetti noodle, and took a careful bite. "Not done yet. Another few minutes."

Fraser nodded against his shoulder, then stepped back, motioning to the far end of the counter.

"I take it these are the documents you are referring to?"

"Yeah. Go ahead and open the mail and see if anything jumps out." Ray smiled at Ben. "Gives me a chance to finish up dinner."

Fraser nodded, already looking focused on the case, a distant expression on his face. 'Oh yeah. He's obsessed too.' Ray watched as he retrieved the letter opener from the desk and returned to the counter, carefully slitting open each piece of mail. "Have there been any new leads?" Fraser questioned as he opened what appeared to be a piece of junk mail. He divided it into a separate pile from the utility bills.

"We thought we had one with that drug dealer we arrested last week." Ray stirred the sauce again before draining the noodles into a colander. "He said he knew where the missing girl was."

Fraser's hands froze on the electric bill he was holding. Of everyone involved in the case, he was the one who had held out the most hope that she was still alive. "Why did nobody tell me that?"

"I'm sorry, Ben. You haven't been feeling good and you've been exhausted. I thought you needed a break from the case and then… well, turned out the guy didn't know anything, just buying time out of his cell. He thought he could lie and get a deal with the state. Dumbass, doesn't realize it doesn't work that way." Ray turned the stove off and served up two dishes. "That's where I was the other night when I came home so late. I was going back over the file, trying to find a missing link somewhere."

"You should have told me, regardless of how I felt," Fraser said, sitting stiffly at the breakfast counter.

"Yeah," Ray sighed. "I'm sorry, Ben. Guess I'm a dumbass too."

Fraser gave a tiny smile. "Understood."

"You forgive me?"

"Of course." Fraser's smile grew warmer, then his face went solemn again. "And the bodies are still missing?" he questioned, moving the mail to the side and making room for Ray to sit beside him.

"Yeah, the crime lab guys think that they had to have been wrapped in something or there would be a blood trail leading out of the house." Ray swiveled his fork in his pasta. "The shower curtain and one of the bedspreads are missing. Still no trace of the little girl's blood either."

"Can we go back out to the house?" Fraser asked hopefully. "Perhaps looking at the scene from a fresh perspective will help."

"I'll clear it with Vecchio in the morning." Ray swallowed a mouth full of pasta. "It's rained a lot in the last month, so any evidence outside the house will have been washed away."

Fraser conceded the point with a nod, but his face took on a steely glint.

"There's always a clue, Ray."


	4. Moving On

Fraser and Ray stepped carefully around the pools of dried blood from the three victims as they worked their way through the house looking for anything that would solve this case. Fraser stopped at each appliance he found within the home and studied it carefully, his face contorting into a puzzled frown each time he stepped away.

"What's wrong?" Ray called after watching Fraser examine the stove and walking away seemingly disappointed.

"It doesn't make any sense," he replied from behind the kitchen island.

"What doesn't?" Ray asked, studying his partner closely.

"Their electric bill. It was in with the mail that Ray had given you. They have been deceased for a month, so why is their bill so high?"

Ray thought about it and frowned. "No, that doesn't make sense. You think an appliance got left on or is malfunctioning in some way, drawing more electricity?"

"Perhaps, but…" Fraser frowned again. "Is there another building on the property?"

"No, according to records, it's just the house with the attached garage. There's a small garden shed out back but there's no electric run to it." Ray paused and thought about the time he had forgotten to pay his electric bill when he and Stella had first been married. "Hey, shouldn't their electric have been shut off if they didn't pay their bill? I mean, the guy's dead, it's not like he can drop a check in the mail."

The uniformed officer that was guarding the property from trespassers appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. "Sorry, don't mean to disturb you. Just came in to step out of the sun for a moment. It's unusually warm for May already."

Ray raised a startled glance at the middle-aged officer. "Whoa, didn't see you come in," he joked, as he stepped over a broken dish on the floor. "Yeah," he agreed. "Weather's weird this year." Ray noticed the bandaged hand of the officer. "What'd you do man?" Ray swatted at a fly buzzing around his forehead. "Suspect try getting the better of you?" He gave a small chuckle despite the glare coming from Fraser. It was no secret that Officer MacDaniel had a temper and had to be reminded on numerous occasions to keep it in check by his superiors. 'No wonder he's been assigned to protect a month old crime scene. Nobody here but raccoons and squirrels.'

"Funny, Kowalski. I hooked it fishing a few days ago."

Ray made a face. "Yeah, that would hurt." He swatted another fly away from his face. "Damn bugs. God with this weird weather we've been having, the bugs are terrible."

While Ray made small talk with the officer, Fraser stole a quick glance at his watch. Where had the morning gone? They had an appointment to view a house in just over an hour. Fraser was torn, he wanted to continue looking through the house, but he didn't want to have to cancel on the realtor either. "Ray, we should probably get going. We have that appointment with the realtor in an hour." He was disappointed. When they arrived at the house earlier in the morning, he held out hope that they would have discovered _something _that would break this case wide open.

"You know, Vecchio's not going to continue letting us come out here if we don't come up with something soon."

"I know. Do you want to call the realtor and reschedule?" He really didn't want to cancel their appointment. The first two houses they had looked at didn't appeal to either of them. Then they both got caught up in their respective jobs and had to cancel the viewing of what the realtor assured them was their dream house. Fraser stepped from around the island and was hit with a dizzy spell. He shut his eyes and gripped the edge of the counter tightly, knuckles going white.

"Whoa…" Ray was immediately at his side. "What's going on? You okay?"

Fraser drew in a ragged breath, praying for the room to stop spinning out of control. "I think…" he swallowed the rising bile. "I think I just need to eat something."

"Yeah, we're done for today." Ray fished a piece of candy out of his pocket and unwrapped it with trembling fingers. "Here… suck on this until we get to the car. I brought an apple."

"Do I need to call someone for you?" the officer asked, concerned.

"No," Ray replied as he checked Fraser's pulse. "He'll be okay." The doctor had already warned them of the low blood sugar and dizzy spells and Ray was mostly prepared.

Ray guided his partner out of the house and down the steps of the large front porch. Fraser paused on the last step and breathed deeply.

"You okay?" Ray asked concerned.

"Yes, I just…" Fraser sniffed again turning to face the house, "I thought I smelled something.

Ray sniffed the air. "I don't smell anything," he turned his attention to the trash can and a half eaten pizza from Sandors'. "Well, nothing except maybe the trash."

"Do you hear that? I thought I heard a…" Fraser paused listening intently. "It sounded like a dog barking."

"I don't hear anything Frase." Ray took hold of Fraser's elbow when he felt him lean to the side. "Come on, let's get you home."

* * *

><p>The petite, dark-haired realtor greeted Ray and Fraser at the door to the home she was about to show them. "I know this isn't exactly what you asked me to look for, but I thought if you saw it, you may change your mind. It has a minimal front yard but not too terribly close to the road," she pointed out before walking them around the front of the house to the expansive backyard.<p>

"Wow," Ray whistled in appreciation of the large yard. "This is really great." Ray glanced at his partner who had returned to a much better color after getting some solid food in his system. "Dief would have loved it here." Fraser nodded quietly, missing his four legged friend. Ray made his way to an old tire swing hanging from a tree that he was certain was over a hundred years old.

"Go ahead," the realtor encouraged.

Ray slipped a leg through the tire and let go, pumping his legs until he was swinging wildly. He let out a childish laugh as he sliced through the air. The backyard was dotted with various colored perennial flowers in the beginning stages of blooming. Ray felt at home, picturing a hammock tied between two of the trees and Fraser and their baby being rocked fast asleep by a gentle breeze. He hoped the inside of the house held as much charm as the backyard.

"Let me show you the inside." The realtor looked as though she was suppressing a grin as she opened the sliding door. Ray dislodged himself from the swing, falling into step beside Fraser. Leading into the family room from the back porch, the late afternoon sunlight filtered through the trees against the back of the property casting shadows against the empty walls.

'Lots of evening shade,' Ray thought, thinking how it would keep the room cooler in the warm summer months.

"There is a rather large kitchen which opens up into a nice sized dining room, big enough for family gatherings." The petite realtor smiled when the men exchanged a glance. "Do either of you come from a large family?"

"No," Ray supplied as he gave Fraser a wink, "but we have extended family in the area and believe me… they'll be around."

"That's great, this home provides plenty of room for entertaining guests." She walked them through the dining room into a spacious living room, into a small bedroom, then the laundry room, which led straight back into the kitchen. "The one thing I adore about this home is the open design, high ceilings and the fact that you can start in the kitchen and end up back in the kitchen without ever retracing your steps. Kids love it."

Fraser envisioned Ray and their child running laps through the house on early Sunday mornings as he was forced to sidestep their adventures while trying to cook them all breakfast. Ray stepped up beside him as the realtor was explaining the full basement. He snuck his arm around Ray's waist and pulled him close. He liked what he had seen so far and enjoyed the forming visions dancing in his head. The house was perfect and he had only seen half of it.

"Can you tell us about the previous owner?" he questioned as he ran his hand over the smooth countertop. He supposed it didn't really matter who had lived there before, but he wanted a feel for the history of the home. From what he had seen without closer inspection, it had been well cared for.

"An elderly gentleman lived here. This was his home for the past forty-seven years. His wife died several years ago. They had one son who now lives in California. The gentleman passed on a few months ago and left the home to his son. He didn't want to uproot his own family so he has decided to sell it. You are actually my first clients to take a look at it."

Fraser and Ray exchanged a glance. They both loved what the saw but were worried it was well out of their reach. After all, the realtor had already told them it wasn't quite what they were looking for.

"I already know what you are thinking. It's not in the price range we discussed." The two exchanged another glance and Ray nodded. "It's less than what you are thinking and actually falls on the lower end of your price range."

"How can that be?" Ray didn't want to argue about the price but felt compelled to say _something. _"What the hell's wrong with it?"

"Oh, absolutely nothing," she reassured them. "Like I said, the son lives on the west coast and doesn't want to uproot his own family. Against advice, he has set the price low so it will sell quickly. He doesn't want to be burdened with any financial upkeep himself. Would you like to see the upstairs?"

"Of course," Fraser said, slanting a sideways glance at Ray. Ray smiled back, and reached out, squeezed his hand.

"There is a full bath here on the main level along with a bedroom that could be used as a guest bedroom or an office. Upstairs, there is an additional bedroom along with the master bedroom which has a full bath." She led the way into the master bedroom. "And take a look at this view." She pushed open a double set of patio doors that led out to a small balcony. "Your entire backyard for your viewing pleasure." She stepped to the side making room for the men to look out over the bannister into the expansive yard.

"Can you imagine the sunsets from up here, Ben?"

Fraser stared out over the horizon of the backyard, at the dappled shade of the garden. Yes," he said. "I can."

The realtor shifted in behind them. "I can have the papers ready in a few days and we can close within the week. Oh... I almost forgot to tell you, the man who lived here left a workshop full of tools."

'_Tools?' _Ray thought of the Goat and the tinkering he could do with his father. "What kind of tools?" he asked voice full of excitement.

"He built furniture. Has a workshop full of woodworking tools."

"We'll take it," Fraser said abruptly.

Ray stared at him, a smile spreading on his face. "You sure? Ben?"

Upon hearing the word _'workshop_,' Ben immediately thought of what his father had said and saw the tools as affirmation. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Great, give me a couple of days to get the paperwork around." She opened her folder and scanned through her upcoming schedule. "We can meet the end of next week if that works for the two of you to sign papers."

"_Greatness!_" Ray beamed, pulling Fraser close. They shared a kiss before looking out over the yard dotted with emerging summer colors and an old tire swing that would soon be brought back to life.

* * *

><p>Ray juggled the cardboard boxes under his arm and a batch of muffins in the same hand as he tried to work his key into the lock of the apartment door. Frustrated, he kicked it once, secretly hoping Ben was home to open it for him. 'Frannie and her damn secret mission to fatten Fraser up,' Ray cursed as the muffins began to slip out of his grasp.<p>

The door opened and Fraser quickly rescued the muffins before they hit the floor.

"Thanks," Ray managed as he struggled with the flattened oversized boxes. He dropped them just inside the door and planted a quick kiss to Fraser's lips.

Fraser held up the blueberry lemon muffins in a silent question, his eyebrows raised slightly in confusion. Ray wasn't fond of muffins so Fraser knew they weren't his idea.

"Frannie," Ray replied with annoyance. "You know, she could bake something_ I_ like for a change if she's going to keep sending stuff home with me."

"Ahh, well, it's the thought that counts, right?"

"Whatever… I'm about ready to tell her."

Fraser paled and Ray was sure he was about to have a panic attack. "Seriously, Ben. Pecan pie, banana bread, carrot cake, now _muffins_. That's just _this _week_._" Ray relented. "I'm not really going to tell her, but her _'fatten Fraser up_' crusade has got to stop."

"What would you like me to do about it?" Fraser set the muffins on the counter and pulled one to his mouth taking a bite. "These are actually quite good."

Ray gave a resigned sigh. "I suppose nothing." He scanned the apartment and saw that Fraser had a productive day of packing boxes. "You've been busy. I would have helped you know, if you would have just waited for me."

"I know," Fraser admitted sheepishly. He had an inkling of an idea how Ray would pack and he wanted to get as many of their belongings into organized containers before Ray just started throwing stuff in boxes randomly. He had a majority of the kitchen packed up before he ran out of boxes and had to stop.

"Hey, how did the doctor visit go today?"

Fraser wrinkled his brow. He snagged the packing tape off the window sill in the living room and concentrated on assembling a box. "It's mortifying lying there with my legs up in the air while I'm being examined." He tossed the box to the side and began on another one, trying to take his mind off the uncomfortable office visit. How many times did his doctor really need to check out his 'opening'?

Ray's hand settled on Fraser's knee. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there. Vecchio needed me on a new case." Ray frowned, "Weren't you supposed to go back to the Consulate after your appointment?"

"Inspector Geyer told me to go home." Fraser avoided eye contact with Ray, focusing on another box. "I imagine losing my breakfast the moment I shut my office door wasn't convincing him that I was okay." Fraser shrugged his shoulders and reached for another box. "It's fine, I managed to get a lot of packing done today."

"So, what did the docs have to say?"

Fraser fiddled with the packing tape. "Doctor Logan said that my blood pressure was still registering on the low side. And…" Fraser didn't want to report his current weight loss but knew Ray would ask eventually. He seemed to be keeping a running tally in his head. "And I've lost another three pounds." Fraser grinned against the news. "I did find some comfort in the fact that it was just Doctor Logan today."

"Yeah? Where was Doctor '_Benton Fraser's going to make me a rich man' _Allison?" Ray asked dryly.

"Ray…" Fraser scolded. Ray was right though, the specialist seemed more interested in making a case study out of him than guiding him through a pregnancy. "He was in his own office this week. Doctor Logan said he was working on an article about male pregnancies for a medical journal. I told him I want nothing to do with any such article and that he had better adhere to doctor patient privacy. I don't need my name smeared all over the news. Logan assured me that Doctor Allison would do no such thing without our written consent. He's probably itching to write a damn book."

"We'll just see about that, not without our say anyway. Okay, so what did Logan have to say about the weight loss? God, another three pounds?" Ray gathered a pile of CD's from the shelf beside the stereo and dumped them in an assembled box next to Fraser.

Fraser straightened up the CD's in the box as Ray collected another pile. "He's going to keep a close eye on it, discuss it with Doctor Allison and possibly prescribe something at my next visit if it drops any lower. From his measurements, it…" Fraser paused and thought. His baby wasn't an _'it'. _"Our baby is roughly the size of a small lemon this week."

"Oh…" Ray sounded surprised. "Even with all the puking, it's still growing?"

"Yes, apparently, a baby receives the nutrients required to help it grow before my body gets the benefit of anything I eat." No wonder he was losing weight.

Ray dropped another stack of CD's into the box and reached for the granite coasters on the coffee table, dropping them on top of his music collection.

"Ray." Irritated, Fraser removed the coasters and placed them back on the table. "You need a system."

"Shut up, Ben, I've got a system." He tossed a baseball trophy in the box from a nearby shelf. "It's throw everything in a heap and hope it doesn't break. What kind of system do you have that works better than mine? Mine is quick and efficient."

"My system has the virtue of simplicity , and_ actually_ working." Fraser wiggled his fingers as he worked the tape through the dispenser, closing another box of his books. "If we use your system, our child will be a toddler by the time we get unpacked and have everything put away. Trust me, you will thank me later."

"I highly doubt it..." Ray growled back playfully as he dropped a hand full of folded socks into the box of CD's. He turned his back and Fraser removed the socks and dropped them into a nearby laundry basket. He added another stack of CDs and a pile of DVDs before sealing the box tightly. On the front of the brown box in bold black marker he wrote,_ 'Ray's stuff_' and smiled affectionately at his partner. "See, Frase, you get my system after all."

"I spoke with the realtor and we won't be able to sign the papers for the house until next Friday." Fraser caught Ray's expression. "There was a clerical error on the documents she had prepared and then there was a delay on the son's end with signing his necessary forms."

"Well, that will give us time to get the rest of this place packed up. I talked with Vecchio today and asked if he would help us move." Ray shrugged when Fraser threw a glance in his direction. "I don't think you should be lifting anything too heavy and besides if we have extra hands, it will go a lot faster."

"What did he say about the house?"

"He was a little confused about the suddenness of it, but I just told him we had been talking about it for a while and the perfect one practically fell in our laps. So, we jumped on it."

Fraser shook out his hand again. "I had an idea I wanted to pass by you." He looked into the empty cardboard box before him on the floor, gathering his thoughts. "I was thinking about what the realtor said about the workshop full of tools and if this gentleman's workshop is as well cared for as his home, I would be able to use it right away." Fraser blushed and lowered his voice. "I'd like to build your parents rocking chairs for their new home."

Ray took the opportunity to sit across from Fraser on the floor. His parents had moved back to Chicago four months ago from Arizona and Ray found himself rebuilding a broken relationship with his father. "Hey that's a great idea. You know, that's one way we can break the news to them. You know how many times I've overheard my mom wishing she had a grandbaby she could rock to sleep and love on."

"I'd have to have some wood delivered when we get the house, but I thought it would prove to be a distraction for me as well. You know, give me something else to concentrate on."

Ray moved to his knees and pulled Fraser in for a kiss. "God, I love you."

The remainder of the evening was spent going through the hall closet, discarding, sorting and packing their belongings into various boxes. After the first three boxes which Fraser had to repack, they came up with a system. Ray sorted. Ben packed and sealed.

They fell onto the couch exhausted after the last available box was filled and taped shut. Ray draped a leg over Fraser's knee and lowered his head onto Ben's shoulder. Taking his left hand, he snuck it under the hem of Fraser's t-shirt. The smooth skin was warm and damp from hours of exertion. "When do you think we'll be able to feel the baby?"

Fraser covered Ray's hand with his own. "I don't know. In the book it mentions that the fluttering feelings begin about sixteen weeks, but to actually see the_ bump_. I'm not sure." He removed his hand form Ray's and slid it under his partners and pressed his palm into his own abdomen. "It doesn't feel any different to me, yet."

"I guess women don't show at twelve weeks either." Ray frowned into Fraser's shoulder. "Damn… I wanted to be able to feel it already." He returned his head to Fraser's shoulder. "So, what's on your agenda for tomorrow? Consulate or the 2-7?" Ray laced their fingers together and turned into Fraser's embrace, letting his eyes fall shut to the beating of his partner's heartbeat.

"My presence is required at the Consulate until about two in the afternoon and then I am all yours at the station. I'd like to go through the evidence on the Well's family once more."

"Mmm hmm," Ray answered through a yawn. "I'll have it ready when you get there."

Fraser dislodged Ray's leg from his own and stood ignoring the protest coming from his sleepy partner.

"Come on, let's go to bed." Fraser pulled Ray to his feet and kissed him. "We both could use a good night's rest."

* * *

><p>Doctor Logan studied the notations the nurse had made in Fraser's chart, clearly not pleased. Doctor Allison was readying the ultrasound machine and Fraser felt a soft squeeze to his knee.<p>

"He eats all the time," Ray broke the silence in the room. "Healthy stuff, like peas and asparagus and whatever size fruit the baby is this week._ Why_ is he still puking?"

"_Ray…" _

"Each individual is different Mr. Kowalski," Doctor Allison stated. "Are you taking the vitamins we prescribed?"

"Yes, not that they always stay down that long after he swallows them," Ray replied dryly.

"How about you lie back and we will see how your baby is doing this week." Doctor Allison rubbed his hands together and Fraser cringed inwardly at his gleeful nature.

Logan had warmed the jelly once again and placed a soothing hand on Fraser's shoulder as Allison ran the probe over his belly trying to locate the fetus. "How are you feeling aside from the nausea, Benton?"

Fraser's head was swirling with too many thoughts. 'How am I _feeling_?' He wanted to shout to the heavens that he was stressed to the max with the combination of packing, obsessing over the murdered family's missing child, the changes at the Consulate with the new inspector, the purchase of a new home, and a pregnancy he was not prepared for. He was sure he had thrown up more in just the last week than he had his entire life. It didn't register right away that the doctor was taking his pulse while his thoughts spun out of control. The doctor reached for the blood pressure cuff and adjusted it around his arm.

Ray noticed the change in expression on Logan's face as he read the results. "Benton… are you okay?"

Fraser dropped an arm over his face, creating a shield against the onslaught of emotions that were suddenly overwhelming him. He heard the older Allison exclaim excitedly as he studied the ultrasound monitor, "Ahh, there you are, little one. Trying to hide today are we?"

Doctor Logan turned off the ultrasound machine and wiped the jelly off of Fraser's abdomen, pulling the paper gown past his waist. Doctor Allison stood there stunned at his colleague's intrusive behavior. "Let's give these two a few minutes."

"I have a busy schedule to keep," Allison stated as Doctor Logan opened the door and ushered him through it.

"Then you may continue your day and I will conclude the appointment with_ my_ patient." Logan folded his arms against his chest. "He needs a moment to compose himself in private with his partner." The door swung shut, blocking out Allison's outraged face, and Logan's solid bulk. Fraser heaved a sigh of relief. Finally, they were alone.

"Ben," Ray asked, placing a reassuring hand on Fraser's chest. "What's going on?"

Fraser snuffled and scrubbed his arm across his face. "I'm sorry," came the muffled reply.

"Hey, shhh," Ray soothed a hand through Fraser's hair. "It'll be okay, whatever it is."

"I'm just…_ overwhelmed_ with everything that is changing in our lives right now." Fraser snuffled again and Ray fished a tissue out of the box on the counter.

"Here," he offered, helping Ben into a sitting position. "Your blood pressure and pulse went through the roof."

"I'm sorry," he apologized again. "It's been a stressful week and it all just hit me at once." Fraser scrubbed his hands down his face. He should have talked to Ray and not kept everything bottled up inside until it exploded. He was still learning how to open up. "Inspector Geyer has plans to add a few positions at the Consulate. Being his senior officer, the hiring process has fallen to me. He would like to encourage Constable Turnbull to become more actively involved with the more important operations at the Consulate…"

"Meaning Turnbull is going to be in your back pocket all the time," Ray groaned. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I don't know. I thought I was handling it just fine. So far, it hasn't been an issue and Constable Turnbull has proved to be a stellar protégé. Inspector Thatcher never gave him much room for advancement."

"Yeah, well. He is kind of a clutz."

"To be fair, Inspector Thatcher did not bring out the best in me, either. She was rather a… formidable presence." Fraser scrubbed his hands down his face.

"Yeah, okay. She'd have scared the shit out of me too if I'd been working for her. No wonder Turnbull looked like a space cadet." Ray frowned. "Hey, he's not going to be working with us is he? Don't get me wrong. I like the guy, but..."

"I know, Ray. And no, not immediately, but eventually that is the plan. The conference I am to attend, Constable Turnbull is to accompany me." Ray groaned and Fraser gave him a knowing look. "Inspector Geyer has been quite impressed with the relationship the Canadian Consulate has built with the Chicago PD over the past several years and would like to increase our involvement within other precincts."

"Hell, that would stress me out too."

"The packing, the house, the changes at work, the missing girl, this_ pregnancy_… it's starting to take its toll." Fraser's voice dropped off to a whisper. "I didn't realize how much it's been affecting me."

Ray patted Fraser's shoulder, feeling somewhat helpless. "We'll be in our house by the end of the week. That's one less thing to stress over."

"Ray, I'm going to have to tell my employers soon."

"Hold on, Ben, you don't gotta tell them nothing."

"I know legally that is the case, but morally..."

"_Morally? _Fraser," Ray let out a frustrated sigh. "Fraser, you're a freak. And I love you."

Fraser squeezed his eyes shut, and smiled.

"And I you, Ray," he said, his voice gruff. He paused. "I can't continue with the charade that I have the stomach flu." Fraser fidgeted with the tissue in his hands. "Who has the stomach flu for nine months?"

"Okay, how about we get moved and settled this next week, tell my parents, and then Vecchio, and then you can tell Geyer." Fraser nodded. "It's gonna be okay. Hell, if_ I_ can handle the news, the rest of them should be a piece of cake." Ray squeezed Fraser's knee and planted a kiss on his dry lips. "You okay to continue or you want to reschedule?"

"No, I think I'm okay." He pulled Ray's face close and kissed him. "Thank you."

Ray winked and smiled. "Anytime."

Ray opened the door and peered out in the hall, snagging a nurse as she walked by. "Excuse me, do you mind letting Doctor Logan know we are good to go in here?"

Doctor Logan and Doctor Allison both returned within a few minutes. Fraser felt himself tense up when Allison pulled the ultrasound machine away from the wall. He lay back and tried to relax and let the doctors do what they needed. Ray squeezed his shoulder as Allison rubbed the ultrasound probe across his stomach and their baby materialized on the screen again.

"There are a few tests that at this stage in a pregnancy we normally run to rule out certain birth defects," Allison said.

"And if one is detected? Then what?" Ray asked.

Logan placed Fraser's medical chart on the countertop and pulled the swivel chair out from under the counter and sat down. He laced his fingers together and gave the couple a serious look. "Depending on the severity of the defect, that is entirely up to the parents."

"What kind of..." Fraser's voice trailed off, then he found courage to continue. "What kind of defects might there be?"

Allison rubbed his hands. "Well, there is an interesting possibility that your child will share some of your chromosomal abnormalities, and be intersex itself. We could be looking at the next stage of evolution here ..."

"Frank." Doctor Logan interrupted him with a glare. "Don't get too carried away."

"My baby might be... intersex?"

Doctor Allison toned down his enthusiasm, but his eyes were still gleaming. "Drawing conclusions from other individuals born to parents with chromosomal abnormalities, like Down's Syndrome for example, I would posit a fifty-fifty chance that your child will be third gender, yes."

"Oh God." Fraser covered his face.

"We don't know that," Ray's voice cut through the panic in Fraser's head. "And, I mean, you're _interthingy_, Ben, and you're fine. It doesn't bother me."

'Interthingy.' Of course it bothered Ray. He couldn't even bring himself to say it. "Intersex," Fraser said in muffled tones. "That's the word… you can't say."

"Ben, look at me?" Ben looked. Ray was smiling. "I love you, just the way you are. And we're gonna love our baby, no matter what."

Fraser nodded. He could see the truth of that in his partner's eyes.

"So, what's the point in these tests?" Ray wanted to know. "I mean if the results don't matter to us? We aren't going to terminate it just because it has a defect, regardless of what it is."

Logan smiled reassuringly. Allison nodded, and smacked his palms together, all but clapping. Fraser sighed.

"No tests," he agreed with Ray. "We'll just deal with one problem at a time."

"You sure?" Allison sounded hopeful. "We could just run a Nuchal Translucency Screening, and check the sex at the same time as finding out if the baby is Down's..."

"The patient said 'no tests'," Logan pointed out. "Don't worry, Ben, Ray." He nodded in their direction. "Everything is progressing normally, the heartbeat is strong... I'm sure the baby will be fine."

"There is one other thing I would like to suggest, if I may." Allison stepped to the end of the table and encouraged Fraser to place his feet in the stirrups. "I think with some daily exercises for a few minutes at a time, we may be successful in manipulating the vaginal opening enough for you to deliver naturally."

Logan looked confused and then cross. This was something Allison had not discussed with him and he wasn't entirely certain it was worth the risk. Both Ray and Fraser held the same bewildered expression.

Allison slipped on a pair of latex gloves and retrieved several probes in numerous sizes from the cabinets above the sink. "We will start with the smallest probe, place plenty of lube on the lower inch, insert slowly and then rotate, stretching outwards. This should stretch the vaginal opening enough for you to deliver naturally. Benton, you can do this yourself or have Ray help you."

"Are you sure about this?" Logan asked concerned. Fraser was white knuckling the side of the exam table as Allison inserted the smallest probe and began to rotate the minute instrument.

Fraser gasped at the uncomfortable intrusion and clenched his eyes shut. Ray pressed a reassuring kiss to his forehead, whispering comforting words.

"Of course it will be uncomfortable at first going, but as the opening enlarges it won't seem as painful. Doing okay, are we?"

"Not really," Ben gritted out. "Why exactly is it necessary?"

"Just to make sure all your options are open. If, for example, you end up having to give birth somewhere other than a hospital."

"That's not happening," Ray stated, categorically, staring at the older man.

'Oh dear...' "Ray, maybe we should ..."

"What if we don't do this?" Ray interrupted him.

"Let's just give it a few weeks and see what kind of progress we can make." Allison removed the probe and tossed it in the trash. "Just a few minutes a day is all it should take."

"Benton," Logan began as he released Fraser's feet from the stirrups. "Are you okay? The choice is yours whether or not to do this. There is no shame in scheduling a cesarean when the time gets closer for delivery."

Fraser took a deep breath. "I suppose it is worth trying." He certainly hoped so.

Allison gave Ray a sealed package of probes and explained how to use them again. "Remember, every day for a few minutes." He patted him on the shoulder and grinned widely. "We'll see you at your next appointment."

Both doctors left and Ray turned to Ben and held up the probes. "What the fuck? I'm not doing this to you."

Fraser reached for his clothing and shook his head. "Ray, please… we should at least exhaust all of our options."

"Fine, but I'm not gonna lie… I don't like the idea of hurting you."

Fraser nodded wordlessly as he slipped his shirt over his head. He didn't much like the idea either.

* * *

><p>Ray leaned against the wall at the almost empty apartment. He drummed his fingers against the wall and listened as the noise echoed around the empty space. After signing the papers to their new home, they ordered an extra-large pizza and Ray Vecchio helped them load their boxes into the U-Haul so they could have a head start on their move the following morning.<p>

Fraser entered the apartment after depositing the last piece of luggage in the U-Haul. He settled against the wall behind Ray and dangled a set of keys in front of him.

"We own a home, Ray." Fraser kissed the side of Ray's neck tasting the salty residue of hard work.

Ray took the keys from his hand and turned in his embrace. "We do, don't we?"

Fraser stared over Ray's shoulder towards the red glow coming from the red chili pepper lights still hanging above the breakfast bar. "You forgot to pack the lights."

"No, I didn't," Ray whispered. "I thought they would set the mood for one last night in our first place together." Ray dropped a kiss to Fraser's open lips. "You can remind me to grab them in the morning." Ray stole another kiss and pulled Fraser towards the red glow. "I also forgot to pack my favorite CD and this little CD player."

"Ah, I quite like the sound of that," Fraser nuzzled Ray's ear. "Is that why you refused to pack the bed?"

Ray chuckled, "Something like that, I figured we were too old to keep having sex on the hard floor."

"Who are you calling old?" Fraser asked as he pressed play on Ray's CD player. He raised his eyebrows slightly when the soft jazz music of Kenny G filled the empty apartment.

"What?" Ray asked with a crooked grin "You got something against the sax?"

"Hardly..." Fraser pressed in close, imprinting his body upon Ray's. Ray dropped his head back, exposing his neck. Fraser latched on to a pulse point and sucked hard. He released Ray's skin and licked a trail down to his covered collarbone. "I think..." Ben breathed lightly against Ray's damp skin. "I think this shirt is in the way."

Ray raised his arms without question so Fraser could easily remove his shirt. Ben stepped back and took the waistband of Ray's jeans in his hands and popped the button and teasingly slow, lowered the zipper.

"As are these," Ben added, the timbre in his voice dropping to a husky whisper. He slid his hands around Ray's waist into the back of his jeans and cupped his ass, pulling him close.

"God, Ben." Ray's laugh was breathless in his throat as Fraser pushed him against the wall. "What's gotten into you?"

"I don't know," Fraser replied, his hand zeroing in on Ray's cock. He wasn't normally so forthright… but Ray seemed ready and willing in his grasp. Normally, Fraser would engage in more foreplay…_ today though..._

Today he wanted to know that he was a man. That he was desired by his partner. He started to rock his own hard-on up against Ray's thigh, pushing down the thought that soon he wouldn't be able to. Not only would his body change visibly, but the estrogen might interfere with his ability to…

No. He was not thinking about that. He was thinking about…

"Ray," he growled. "Get naked."

Wide-eyed, Ray shuffled off the rest of his clothes.

"Bed," Fraser commanded, pushing Ray towards their bedroom. "Now…_ or_..." He smiled, and licked his lip. "Do you want me to take you on the floor?"

They didn't make it as far as the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Fraser turned the U-Haul into the short driveway, following the black GTO to the garage. Ray Vecchio bounced in the passenger seat as the oversized truck left the road and hit the stone driveway.<p>

"Wow, Benny," he whistled in appreciation at the sight of the home before him. "This is your house?"

Fraser smiled from the driver's seat. "Yes, we were given a tremendous deal." Fraser backed the truck up to the front porch and killed the engine. "Thank you for helping us, Ray."

"Hey, no problem, that's what friends are for. You feeling any better?" Ray asked scanning Fraser up and down. Over the course of the last several weeks he could tell his friend had lost some weight, even though he had been to the doctor and assured Ray he was fine.

"I am, yes." Fraser assured him with a wide smile that reached his eyes.

The two men exited the truck and met Ray and his parents at the front porch. "Frannie called," Ray said stepping forward to meet Fraser as he climbed the steps to the porch. "She's on her way and guess what she's bringing, Ben?" Fraser shrugged his shoulders and fished the house key out of his front pocket. "Your favorite... _blueberry lemon muffins_. I told her_ I_ don't like_ those_ things."

Fraser's mouth watered, even as he suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. To his side, Ray Vecchio chuckled. "Frannie still on a mission to fatten you up? Don't tell her I said this, but the older she gets, the more she reminds me of Ma." He clapped Fraser on the shoulder. "If Ma was a complete ditz, which she ain't, so don't tell either of them I said that."

"I assure you, Ray, I have no intention of ..."

Fraser was interrupted by a wave of matriarchal concern as Barbara Kowalski swept up and embraced him. "Oh, Benton! Ray said you had been feeling unwell, but you've lost so much weight!" She stepped back, holding him at arms' length and assessing him. Then she turned an accusatory glance on her son. "Stanley. What have you been doing to this poor boy? Don't you feed him?"

Ray hated it when his mother called him Stanley. "Nothing, Mom, he's just ..."

Damien broke into the conversation. "Barbara, leave the boy alone. We're here to help them get moved. Pitter patter." The elder Kowalski stepped off the porch, moving towards the truck to start unloading boxes. Ray gave him a grateful look. "Hey Dad, you want a quick tour before we fill this place up with boxes?"

"Oh, that's a lovely idea, dear. Damien… put that box down, it will be there waiting for you in ten minutes." Barbara slid an arm around her son's waist and Ray pulled her close. "Show us your home, honey."

Fraser unlocked the front door and opened it wide for his family and friends. He and Ray gave a quick tour pointing out the highlights of their new home and explaining a bit of the history along the way. The view from the master bedroom created jealous vibes bouncing around the room. Francesca arrived as everyone was exiting the house.

"Hey, guys, I've got muffins and coffee." She removed her sunglasses and pushed them into her hair like a headband. "Oh my God, this place is amazing," she chirped. "I love the color. It matches your eyes, Frase." She pushed the muffins and carafe of coffee into her brother's hands as she gave both Ray and Fraser a tight hug. "Frase, I brought the muffins you liked so well from last week. Fresh batch. Ma made them this morning."

"That's very kind, Francesca…" Fraser began with a smile.

"Move it along, Frannie," Vecchio shooed her toward the house. "Take your muffins and gourmet coffee into the kitchen and let us men unload the truck."

"Ray," Ben protested, giving his friend a disappointed look. "That's a terribly sexist comment ..."

"Yeah, yeah, Benny. All women are our sisters, I heard that spiel before. But this woman_ is_ my sister, and she's driving me nuts."

Francesca stuck her tongue out at her brother. "You see? Benton understands. Don't you, Benton?"

"Well," Fraser felt flustered. Francesca was no longer interested in him, but she still went into default flirt mode at times... primarily to annoy her brother, who was obviously annoyed. Ray looked from Vecchio, to Frannie, to Fraser, then had to duck behind Fraser to hide his growing laughter.

"Come along, Francesca, let them do the heavy work," Barbara beamed, putting an arm through Francesca's. "Us girls will hang out in the kitchen and swap stories until they bring us some boxes to unpack."

Fraser's jaw dropped, and Ray cracked up completely. 'Good old Mom,' he thought. 'Nobody gave her the politically correct memo.' Of course, maybe she was teasing Fraser in her own way. You could never tell with Barbara Kowalski.

Before long, the four men were busy unloading the U-Haul and filling the home with boxes and furniture. Ray had made a conscience effort to keep Fraser away from the heavy boxes. He would scan the contents of a box and then place a lighter box in Fraser's hands turning him back around towards the house, leaving the heavier boxes for himself and Vecchio.

"Hey," Vecchio hollered at Kowalski when Fraser was safely inside the door and out of earshot. "What gives?"

Ray stopped struggling with his end of the bed frame and looked up to meet Vecchio's intense stare. "What?" He adjusted his grip and made a face. "You gonna pick your end up or what?"

"What's with Benny?" Vecchio questioned refusing to lift his end until Kowalski answered him.

"What are you talking about?" Ray played dumb, diverting his eyes to his grip on the solid piece of wood instead of the intense green eyes of his friend. Not dumb enough for Lieutenant Vecchio.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Kowalski. Why are you treating Benny like he's a fragile piece of glass?"

"Language, Son," Damien warned as he stepped up into the back of the U-Haul, placing a hand on Vecchio's shoulder. "Though, I have to agree with your Lieutenant, Ray. Surely, Benton can carry something heavier than a throw pillow."

"Hey, come on. He's been sick and is just starting to feel better. I don't want him overdoing it. What's wrong with that?" Ray replied defensively. "Now, pick up that end of the bed before I kick you in the head, Vecchio."

Vecchio bent to pick up the frame when his phone rang from within his pocket. He held up a finger as he took the call. Damien stepped in and helped Ray into the house with the bed frame. They struggled up the stairs and into the master bedroom, dropping it to the floor beside the rest of the frame.

"You want me to get my tools out of the car and start assembling this for you?" Damien asked as he studied the layout of the room. "You know where you are putting it yet?"

"No, Dad, it's okay. Ben and I can get it later." Ray wiped the sweat from his brow. "How about we take a break and see if mom has anything cold to drink."

"You sure Benton's okay, Raymond?" Damien asked in a low voice as they left the bedroom. "There isn't something you're not telling us... is there? If he's sick, you can tell us. Your mother and I care about him too, you know."

Ray placed a reassuring hand on his father's shoulder as he guided him towards the stairs. "He will be fine, Dad. I promise, he's not sick."

"Here you two," Barbara poured two plastic cups of iced tea for her son and husband. "Take a break. Francesca and I have been busy unpacking the kitchen contents."

"Where's Ben?"

"He went out to bring in more boxes. I can't find your pots and pans." Barbara motioned to the boxes on the floor she and Frannie had already unpacked. "I thought I would wash them all before we found a spot to put them away."

"Mom, they were clean when they went into the box. How the hell would they get dirty?" Ray called over his shoulder as he dashed out of the kitchen in search of Fraser.

"Hey, put that down." Ray hopped into the back of the U-Haul as Fraser lifted the box marked '_Ray's Stuff'_.

Fraser spun the box in his hands so Ray could read the contents.

"Oh, okay. Sorry." Fraser accepted a kiss in the form of an apology and hopped out of the moving truck.

"Kowalski," Vecchio called from outside the truck.

"Yeah?"

"I really hate to do this to you, but I need you to give Huey and Dewey a hand on a double murder. I just got the call."

"You've got to be kidding me. Ray scowled. Vecchio had other cops on the payroll. What? Was he trying to get Ray out of the way so he could snoop about Ben's health or something? "We are in the middle of moving here."

Vecchio held his hands up. "I'm sorry," he said, and it sounded like he really meant it. "Listen, you don't have to stay on the case. Just meet them at the dam, help them interview the witnesses so they can work the case and then you are free to come back."

Kowalski stepped into Vecchio's personal space and jabbed him in the chest. "Fine, I'll go. But you promise me, Ben doesn't lift anything heavy. If you and my dad can't get it, save it until I get back. Deal?"

Vecchio narrowed his eyes. "What's_ really _wrong with him?"

"Nothing. Just promise me."

"Deal…" Vecchio agreed. "Now get going."

Ray broke the news to Fraser that he was needed on a case and had to leave for a few hours. Reluctantly, Fraser remained in the house with the two women as they unpacked boxes. He would occasionally direct Ray and Damien as to what rooms the boxes were to be placed in. Fraser spun a box on the kitchen counter that read_ 'Ben's book_s'. He remembered Ray tossing the pregnancy book in just before he was about to seal it closed and decided now was not a good time for Ray's mother or Francesca to open this box. He slid the box into his arms and picked it up, adjusting the bulk of the weight against his chest. There was a built in bookcase in their bedroom that he wanted to put his books on so he could read on the balcony outside their bedroom in the evenings as the sun was setting over the wooded landscape.

Fraser was halfway up the stairs when Vecchio entered the house carrying the last of the boxes.

"Hey, where's Benny?" He glanced at the counter where he had put his previous box. "Where'd that box go? I was going to put it by the bookshelf in the living room."

"Oh, Fraser took that one upstairs. Hey, Ray called and said he was on his way back and was bringing pizza. What toppings you want?" Francesca asked as Ray walked quickly to the staircase.

"I don't care, whatever," he called over his shoulder. "Hey, Benny," he called, taking the stairs two at a time. He rounded the landing and his eyes fell on Fraser's back. Fraser took two steps towards his bedroom when his left leg buckled under him, sending both him and the box of books crashing to the floor with a resounding thud. Time froze for Vecchio as he was transported back in time to a train station platform with a smoking gun in his hand. Fraser toppled helplessly from the moving train with Ray's bullet lodged forever in his back.

'_Fuck,_' Vecchio thought as he raced to Fraser's side to help him. 'It's my_ damn_ bullet... that's what's wrong with him. No wonder they won't tell me. It's bringing him down again.'_ "Benny!" _Vecchio shouted from the end of the hallway.

Fraser pulled himself to a sitting position, rubbing the ache out of his knee and side. "I'm okay," he replied, embarrassed over his mishap. "Almost thirty seven years old and my feet forget how they are supposed to work."

"Here," Vecchio offered him a hand, helping him to his feet. Fraser wiggled his fingers and rubbed a hand down his left side again.

"Thank you," Fraser said, embarrassed.

"You okay?" Vecchio's heart was in his throat, threatening to choke him.

"Yes, I uh… I must have lost my footing."

"Lost your footing, huh? That's all it was?" Ray was unconvinced. "God, you scared the shit out of me." He bent over and retrieved the box from the floor. "Kowalski's on his way back with pizza."

Fraser perked up at the mention of food. He realized he was actually craving food for the first time in weeks. Vecchio rolled his eyes at his friend. "Where's this box go?"

Ray opened the door to his home found it empty. "Ben? Mom?" He placed the pizzas on the kitchen counter and followed the voices to the back porch. Fraser, Vecchio and his father were gathered around a gas grill. "Hey, what's this?" he asked as he stepped out into the cool air.

"It's from all of us," Barbara stepped forward and gave her son a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah," Frannie chimed in. "We wanted to get you two a house warming gift and Ray and I got together with your parents and we agreed on a grill."

"I was going to make it a charcoal grill, Benny, but I know how impatient Kowalski is when it comes to _anything._"

"Well, in this instance I am glad you went against your first instinct. Charcoal burners can be quite carcinogenic, and that wouldn't be good for the…" Fraser's voice was lost in the blowing wind.

'_Fuck,'_ Kowalski panicked. His head snapped up from the stainless steel spatula in his hand._ '_Fraser's gonna spill the beans.'

"The _what_, Benny?"

"I'm sorry. I lost my train of thought. Thank you, Ray, everyone. It's a lovely gift."

"Make my Stanley cook for you, dear. Put some of that weight back on." Barbara kissed Fraser on the cheek. "We need to get going. You give us a holler if you need anything else."

"Will do, Mrs. Kowalski. Thank you for all your help today." Fraser shook Damien's hand as he stepped up beside his wife. "Sir, thank you. We both appreciate your help."

"When are you going to quit calling me 'Sir' and start calling me 'Dad'?"

Fraser was speechless as Damien gave him a shy smile. "Barbara's right, make Ray cook for you." Damien patted Fraser on the shoulder as he and his wife said their goodbyes to their son and the Vecchios.

"Alright you two." Vecchio spoke up with a tired voice. "Frannie and I are going to eat your pizza and then leave."

"We are?" Francesca asked. "I thought I would help unpack a few more boxes." Ray pulled his sister to her feet ignoring her protests. "Unless you need help with something else. All the furniture and boxes are out of the U-Haul."

"Hey, just take one with you if you want." Ray offered as he shook Vecchio's hand and returned Frannie's hug.

"I think we will do that and leave you two to enjoy your first night in peace."

* * *

><p>Fraser walked his friends to the front of the house and thanked them again for their help. Vecchio was returning the U-Haul to the dealer in the morning for them, which Fraser was grateful for. He snatched two pieces of pizza for himself and Ray on his way back through the kitchen. He opened the door to the back porch and found Ray sitting on the steps looking out over the yard. He offered his partner a slice of the pizza and settled in beside him on the top step. He was beyond exhausted and cursed inwardly when he realized they still had to put their bed together unless they wanted to sleep on the floor.<p>

"Hey," Ray said with childlike excitement as he stood suddenly, dropping his pizza to the porch. "Push me." Before Fraser could protest, Ray had one leg through the old tire swing. "This is the best thing out of this deal," he laughed freely as he cut through the air.

"The tire swing, Ray?"

"Hell ya the tire swing," Ray hooped and hollered as he sailed higher.

Fraser stood back smiling fondly at his partner. The next time Ray sailed past him, he stepped in behind him and gave him a solid push, sending Ray higher into the air.

"You want to get on with me?" Ray dragged his foot against the earth, breaking the ground open for the first time in years. "We could you know…" he raised his eyes suggestively. "You think we're too old for sex on a swing?"

"If you think we are too old for sex on the floor," Ben spun Ray on the swing to face him, planting a long kiss to his lips. "I guarantee we are too old for sex on a swing." He twirled the black tire and gave it a swift push.

"Yeah, but you proved last night we weren't. Kinda sounds like a challenge to me." Ray pumped his feet and rode the tire higher into the air.

Fraser hooked one of Ray's legs as he passed pulling him to an abrupt stop. He stepped in between the lanky limbs and leaned over the top of the tire, kissing Ray deeply.

"Thank God we don't have any neighbors," Ray blushed.

"There are still public indecency laws…"

"You planning on getting indecent?"

"Ray…" Ben blushed.

"You do remember that_ we're_ the cops? So, if someone's gonna arrest us for indecency, it's gonna be us, right?"

"Well, that would be illogical, Ray."

"Don't make me handcuff you to this swing, Ben."


End file.
